Depression and healthy living 12/9/15
Wednesday, December 09, 2015
My depression is inert. It is not so that I want to lay around motionless and numb, it is that I don't want anything. I lack. I stop.
I could stop eating but I don't. I sit and push food at my face--no, not food. Ingredients. Items. Never meals, that would require care. And so I gain.
Let me be clear that if I were to do the opposite, to continue my stillness by eating nothing, I would still be harming myself. If I were to lose weight due to my depression I would not be proud.
Healthy Living is not just a shift from one set of numbers to another. It is a self-awareness and an internal schematic of boundaries and needs. My schematic is not yours. My schematic has a regular crop of depression that has to be endured and perhaps treated medically if traditional tactics fail. I already know own what to do, but Christ it is hard.
I need to keep biking. I stopped again because my lights are out, so I need to fix that and resume. I need to prepare lunch for work. I need to write. I need to wash regularly - - or semi regularly.
I need to keep going through the motions if healthy living with regular exercise, sleep, good food, no booze on weekdays, and loads of water. Eventually they will gain traction and I will feel a little better.