Situational or bigger depression?
Monday, December 07, 2015
I have been dealing with what I thought was situational depression, but I am starting to think it might be something bigger. Not all consuming, completely debilitating depression, but something just a little bigger than, when this resolves I will be fine. Because some of it just isn't going to resolve any time soon, like money issues. They improve, but not to the point where its not a worry every few months yet.
My biggest issue lately is of our recent trip to see our son graduate from basic training. I did everything right. I booked ahead, I made reservations, I prepaid certain things and then because of things out of our control there were little inconveniences that cropped up and made the trip less than enjoyable for the whole time. Let me bitch about them here so maybe I can move forward.
Wednesday we drove to the city that had the airport we were flying out of, stopped to have a quick bite and got the car parked in the budget lot. So far so good.
Got to our terminal on time and even got the agent to seat us together because we weren't to start with. Still a good thing going on. The plane we were supposed to be on was late due to weather where we were going. Not bad, still had enough time to make our connecting flight.
Got to the next airport, gates far apart but we made our connecting flight with minutes to spare. Still feeling good about the trip. Got on the plane, and it was delayed an hour. So we were feeling edgy, but figured we still had time to get to the car rental, which we had reserved. This airport is ridiculously huge and minimal help getting through it, found our way though and got to the long line of people waiting to get cars. As we are waiting in line (45 minutes) people are telling us and others on the way out that they only have a few cars left. After the second person said this, I did speak up and announce loudly enough for the clerks to hear that we better have a car because we reserved one. Get to the front of the line and we did get one of the last two cars. The guy behind us also had one reserved and prepaid. They hemmed and hawed but he got one as well. Sorry Payless, were not doing business with you again. I will pay more to have an actual guaranteed car, and not deal with ladies pulling their purses out and getting ready to leave while still waiting on me. Got to our car and still had an hour and a half drive to get to the hotel. We get to our hotel at 1:30 a.m. and request a wake up call for 7:30 so we can get to the ceremony on time. Hampton Inn, you are the best part of our trip, thank you!
Have a good first day with our soldier, took a nap, had a nice dinner, got him back to base on time. We also find out he doesn't have a plane ticket to his base yet, but don't think much of this because there is still time to get one and get him on his way to his destination. (not us buying it, the army)
Graduation day, all is going well, we are aware we may not see our son after the ceremony because they are all shipping out, and if not getting on the bus right away, they need to head back to the bay and see if a ticket is coming for them.
We did not see our son because he had to head back, but we needed to get back to the airport again anyway. We get back to the airport, get the car returned and where we need to be with an hour to spare. Getting back on track, this is going to be a good trip home.
The flight is on time and we make it back to the home state before dinner time. Met with friends in that town and had dinner then came home. Son still doesn't have a plane ticket to his new base, so he is going to spend some time in a hotel to get off base.
I worked the weekend because I am in retail, no big deal. Look online Saturday to see if I can order my son's graduation photos, and no because they don't have the correct platoon loaded. They loaded the same platoon twice. I email them and let them know.
It's Monday now and they loaded the correct photos, but not all of them. I still can't order his photos because they are missing about 15 guys. Son still does not have a plane ticket to his base.
Now usually this wouldn't be a big issue, but since he needs at least a week to process in (possibly more) before he can take leave and come home. He wanted to be home for Christmas and now that might be in jeopardy too.
So its not one big thing, but bunches of very small, relatively non issues, but just minor aggravations that have got me in such a state that I am almost unable to do anything. I want to workout, but this negative energy in my head is stopping and real efforts. Funny thing is though, If I do workout, I will have the ability to knock through the dark clouds. Guess I just need something to work out the way it was supposed to the first time because I am sick and tired of always having to plan for things to go to hell, because the almost always do for me. I always have a plan B just in case, but just for a little while I don't want to have to need it, and give myself a break from the added stress of knowing I have to have one.
My son will definitely have his plane ticket by Wednesday so he is getting squared away. Since he told me this, I went to the gym and did the fitness test from Fitness Blender so I can start my 8 week program. Not bad and I feel like jello now, but my mood has improved some with his good news and my own workout. Now to just keep at it, one day at a time.