life in recovery, an unsupportive spouse
Saturday, November 28, 2015
How do you deal with a non supportive spouse was the theme of a message board I was reading, and I paused, and thought a bit and started blogging. Because I am conflicted about this. On my right hand, I think IT IS MY HOUSE, and MY KITCHEN, my health, my meal plan and I admit that I am addict, so I don’ t want it around. I don’t want it in my house, my kitchen, my reach. SO I DON”T. I don’t buy it. If I was an alcoholic, they wouldn’t bring me beer, and when I said, I am sober now, they would respect that. And then there is the left hand, that says my choices are personal and I shouldn’t inflect them on the rest, so he brings home leftover pasta from the daycare, and it taunts me. And when I say, please don’t, I am powerless over your chicken fettuccine, he says I should just not eat it, it’s for Jacob. Would you buy bourbon for an alcoholic household, and says “it’s for Jacob?”. This is silly, because pasta and bourbon is not the same thing… thus the conflict. I have written this line in the sand many times, and then capitulated, so he really doesn’t believe that I am not going to eat it, and that I really don’t mean it when I say “NO POTATO ROLLS”. But I have this fantasy, about how much easy boundaries would be if I lived alone, and there was no one to test them. The message board said things like “talk to him, explain it.” I have. I have even had the doctor explain it, so he would hear how serious this is. And his response was “It’s important for you, but WE, the rest of us, don’ t have to follow these guidelines, and you should just NOT eat it.” Isn’t part of step one acknowledging that you are POWERLESS over the urges and compulsions that define you as an addict? So JUST NOT DO IT, isn’t really realistic. Yet It is about willpower. And the willpower muscle gets tired from fighting the world, from all the heavy lifting and pushing it does every day, and then gives in, exhausted by all that one has to do to remain paleo food sober in a non paleo consumerism world, at 6 pm when they say “what’s for dinner, can we have pizza? And they don’t mean cauliflower crust pizza but Dominos, and I think “ I can have one” but I never eat just one slice, I eat one pizza, a thin crust veggie and then feel sick so NO, we are not having pizza, it’s a paleo household, and you can learn to cook paleo.