life in recovery, day 15.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
The big meal is over. I had to leave the gathering, too much food and if I didn’t leave, I was going to dive into banana pudding cream cake. I walked out, as is I broke, and had a COSTCO pumpkin roll slice. But the company was good and I was a little aggravated that my urges had me walking out the door. Will there come a day when I can stand next to a table of desserts, and not feel compelled and obsessed to eat them all? Then came day 2, where we all gather, again, and eat the leftovers. Again, I had to decline. I just couldn’t take another day of saying no to potato rolls, to stuffing. I MISS BREAD. I miss turkey sandwiches, and Paninis. Being paleo is hard, and I feel like I am grieving the way I used to eat, the way I have cheated for three years. But I have declared myself paleo, and food sober. I think there is a grieving process, when we change our ways and declare sober, and we have to leave things behind. Favorite food traditions and social gatherings. I trust that there will come a day when I can stand next to Aunt Julie, not having to lie about why I can’t eat her jello coolwhip rice salad, and wish her a true thanksgiving, that she would understand and say, I know you can’t eat this so I am not going to offer it ( push it on you). I think there will come a day when my Paleo traditions are enough. I tell my clients that for recovery to work, you need a new social set. What do you do when the social set is your family? I decided, in a fit about not having any leftover turkey at my house, it’s all at aunt Nancy’s, and the only way to get any is to run the gauntlet of sugar, that NEXT year, thanksgiving is at my house, with my menu. There is something about being food sober that is very lonely, and I feel like I am hurt and wounded and limping. So Again, the scriptures and meditations spoke to me. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” — Genesis 32:28. Jacob’s legacy encourages us to persevere. Even when we are hurt and even when we are limping, we need to put one foot in front of the other and continue to walk in faith with our Father. Together, we will reach our goals.- Rabbi Eckstein".