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Figgy Managing Stress at highest level - Level how many I don't know either...

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

If life is a test; then I can tell I am definitely not free from this test... Just like everyone else have their own struggles I am struggling with difficulties and it seems like more you grow older more life gets crazier but it makes less sense... And I find less logic in it....

If I've learned one thing until my 37 y.o and that is no consistency and no definition for almost anything... and when you're an idealist, a perfectionist, a person who is aware of what you want, what you need, and if have a high sense of seeing things, if you're a highly sensitive person, an empath who can easily pull other's energy and feel it like yours... Life gets difficult... And you need to work on EXTRA RELAXATION comparing to other people.... Yes I'm talking about me... I've born this way and it is a blessing but feels like a curse sometimes when there is no one feels or sees the things as you do... But guess what being alone makes you stronger than they are...

Anyway so back to this time's stress reason... The report I submitted about sexual harassment from my supervisor(previous supervisor) has resulted and nobody told me the final decision, after giving some time when I felt ready to hear I asked them to tell me, so they met me yesterday and told me the highest leader and law office where I work decided it is unsubstantiated...They told me this doesn't mean they think you lie but you had no enough proof... And they believed what he offender said... Some time ago when I told him I can complain him, he said pfffft I could tell them I wasn't looking at Figen, and there is no situation that one can not go away with telling lie... So reported this two... Seems like the decision maker just let this happen... I'm thinking so many things about the value and importance they don't give me, discrimination, unfair treatment and all, but because I don't have no more evidence I already gave them all I have, which I avoided sharing this issue with anyone else because it is embarrassing, but it just got him win...
So in my opinion there is only one thing the decision maker let the evil win... And I don't trust them anymore... Their decision proves no matter what happens to me while working for them if I can't prove it, they'll let the offender continue doing what he/she wanna do...

The decision maker is above my leadership, higher than my chain of command, so I asked my Commander to tell him how the higher person made me feel about his leadership...

And I will continue telling what I think and feel every time I have to.

Cause even if nobody values of my feelings or who I am I VALUE MYSELF...

I won't give up yet....
I compare my situation now with my past, and with other people who are in the war very close to my country, or the people who their houses bombed, families killed very close to where I live....I've worked at sh*tty jobs with worse managers, one example, I had to run away from mafia people when they tried to use my capabilities in their amateur business... And I refused. I had to work with alcoholic women who couldn't manage their anger, people who always been in depression...

I've struggled so much and climbed up after so many difficulties I can't just quit now and leave just because I didn't like their decision... I'm earning my money from this, I have plans for decorating my new house, I've to think of my past and future and have to stand up on my feet today...

I'm letting myself cry, to let the anger be out of my body... But I will use this unfair situation to understand myself better and I will be FINE!
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