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We mature with the damage

Sunday, November 15, 2015

The other day my mom was over visiting and had brought my hubby (of 8 years) and I an anniversary card. She mentioned that it is too bad we did not meet earlier, when we were both young.

I told her, no, not at all. We would never have survived if we had met when we were both young, we would have killed each other, we are both stubborn, strong willed, opinionated, and can be uncompromising. I told her, absolutely not, we both had many lessons to learn before we were ready for each other.

I feel the same way about my journey to become healthy, that I had many, many lessons to learn before I got to this place, this mind set, this peace with myself.

And how do we learn our life lessons? By making MISTAKES, by trial and error, but paying attention and moving forward when something is not working for us. By being kind to ourselves, not beating ourselves up over things in the past we see as having been a bad choice, and never giving up. Never. Ever. All those choices? Led me here. All the mistakes? Led me here. Am I grateful for them? You betcha I am.

RANDOM THOUGHT: My very overweight daughter is using my Spark Tracker since I got my FitBit. She informed me she is parking further out in the lots, she is getting up and moving, and getting those little lights lit up. She is making vegetable soup, which she said she will be living on this week, trying to get her eating under control. She is giving up energy drinks, and sticking to her lemon-water, coffee and green tea. I am so happy! This could be a very good start for her.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HOLLYM48
    Life teaches us so much as we move along in it. Some people are meant to meet early in life and some later in the years but there is plan and we just have to be open to finding it and following it. I happened to meet my husband when I was 15 and he was 19 and we have been through so much together and so many lessons learned along the way. I wouldn't trade any of the things that have happened because you are right, we learned different lessons along the way.
    Have a great Sunday!
    1976 days ago
    I love this and I hope and believe it is true that things happen at a certain time for a reason :))

    It's great the influence you have had over your daughter
    1980 days ago
    The power of example. You are a role model.
    1980 days ago
    Love yer blog!!!! And I love my stepper--Lynda
    1981 days ago
  • NHES220
    Great blog. I married my husband at 40. If I met him in my 20's I don't think we would have clicked. I think you meet someone at the right time and it works. Good for your daughter. I have one daughter that really could use SP. She has been doing WW off and on and has a Fitbit, but I just don't know that she is ready to make a change.
    1981 days ago
    So right...not a second of our pasts are wasted! They were all for a reason. I love that you have inspired your daughter!! It's always an extra blessing when we can lead another along this path. My DH and I married at 34/39 and we've been together 31 years and counting! Awesome that you have realized it's up to us to make the changes necessary to get on with a better life!
    1981 days ago
    I so agree with the need to be at the right place in the journey to click with others. Maturity is everything... ripeness... readiness... to bring fruit of relationships, careers, lives! emoticon emoticon
    1981 days ago
    What a wonderful blog, full of inspiration, hope, and most importantly, love. Loving yourself, loving your journey, that is what it is all about! The gift you gave your daughter is priceless! I'm so glad I found you today. You gave ME a wonderful gift today. Thank you, and KEEP SPARKING!
    1981 days ago
  • ALICIA363
    1981 days ago
    I love you. Just sayin'. Your words warm my heart so much. I agree totally - I don't think I could ever have learned to love myself without all that I've been through to make me SEE myself. And thanks for sharing about your daughter. I worry myself to death over my younger son. He is extremely overweight and has atrocious habits - which I know he learned from me. I keep hoping that soon he'll want his life to be better.
    1982 days ago
    Hurray for your daughter!

    My son and I were just talking about the damage we do in our lives and how it makes us stronger in the end. I know everything that has happened to him has helped develop who he is today and although it was hard and still will be...he is a better person because of it.
    1982 days ago
    I agree, we learn from our mistakes. We would not be who we are without those. Learning from them and moving forward. Never give up, not ever. emoticon
    Your daughter is doing a great job too. You are such a fine example to her. emoticon
    1982 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12068097
    What wisdom girl friend. WOW. I am printing this out for a reread later, again and again. The pain of growing up to this point has had its DARK moments, but growth did win out. No I wouldn't change anything because it made me what I am today is NOT something I can say yet... maybe later. Anyhow you gave me words to ponder.

    One more thing: how LUCKY your daughter is to have a mom like you and where you are in YOUR life....ahhhhh such a LOVELY example. HUGS, Pat
    1982 days ago
    I'm so glad you have the wisdom to understand how maturity is earned. I hope your daughter can continue to make changes to her lifestyle to get healthy and fit.
    1982 days ago
    I humbly agree with your assessment of relationships. I have been married to my second husband for 20 years now (after 23 disastrous years with my 'high school sweetheart'). If it hadn't been for all the mistakes we both made in our earlier marriages, we wouldn't have known how to correct them this time around. Thank you for sharing and good luck to your daughter!
    1982 days ago
    The best way to enjoy life is to live it...and as you wisely stated, learn as we go! Now my man and I did the opposite, met when we were 18, and just did a vow renewal to celebrate our 35th anniversary with our family. Lordy, the two of us have literally grown up together. Through it all we found our way, rode out the rough days and patches, and became even better friends as we grew our family. Would not have wanted it any other way, which just affirms that what works for US...works for us!

    Proud mom moments with your daughter, what an affirmation for healthy living. You are doing a powerful job of leading by example. So happy for you, I know it must feel amazing! Yay for yOu!
    1982 days ago
    Sounds like things are looking up!
    1982 days ago
    Very true!
    Very cool about your daughter! You are setting a beautiful example for her!
    1982 days ago
    emoticon You speak the truth, my friend. We must walk thru the fires, of our life. You must be so happy for your daughter. Help remind her, 'She must love herself, enough to be healthy.' She must walk thru 'her' fires & learn 'her' lessons. It's her journey. Love her, unconditionally, no matter what.
    1982 days ago
    I could have written this. I did not meet the love of my life until I was 45. I would not have been successful in weight loss before now, and I just got my DD to join a gym! We rock!!!!
    1982 days ago
    What a hopeful, comforting message here, Pam! I really appreciate your wisdom. No need to agonize about the past. Better to be grateful for the lessons it gave us.

    And I'm happy for you and your daughter. It must be a relief to see her follow in your footsteps on the path toward better health.
    1982 days ago
    This is wonderful for your daughter! You are an excellent role model, and she is smart!
    1982 days ago
    emoticon emoticon for your daughter!!
    1982 days ago
    Thanks for this blog. So glad about you and your daughter.

    Wishing you and all of your family blessings.
    1982 days ago
    Happy anniversary!! Good job on inspiring your daughter to adopt a healthier lifestyle! emoticon
    1982 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/16/2015 8:33:24 AM
    So true once again. Wonderful news about your daughter. Small changes work we both know that :)
    1982 days ago
    Boy did I make mistakes. But, I like who it shaped me into. Sometimes though, when I think of later when I had my heart broken and suffered so much because of it, I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if it hadn't happened. But, in general I think things went pretty well actually.

    Ever since I started TOPS my Mom seems to think that my weight loss has something to do with her. She's in her 80's so I pretty much grin and bare it. It does get on my nerves though. What I do is my business and if I gain it doesn't reflect on her. Anyway, so I just wanted to say this so you don't do it to your daughter. I don't think you're weird like my Mom but be careful what you say to her.

    Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby. emoticon
    1982 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11332084
    I'm so excited that your daughter is choosing to make healthy changes - as a mom with a son who smokes cigarettes and relies heavily on energy drinks, it's something I can only hope and pray for. :(

    You are so right about the lessons we have to learn along the way. I still wish I had learned some of these health lessons 20 years ago - mostly so that I could have some of that time back with more energy and strength!
    1982 days ago
    What a fantastic role model you are - how wonderful that your daughter is now following your example! That has to be one of the most NSV one can achieve!

    This morning the hub and I were running errands and listening to a discussion on the radio about hypothetically going back in time and telling the younger version of the interviewee 5 secrets to success. And the interviewee on the radio said he'd tell the younger himself: a) what games to bet on, b) not to go on that roller coaster and c) sex moves. The host asked: what are the other 2 secrets you'd share? And his answer was: well, the other 2 are sex moves as well!

    Okay, so that was a bit risque, but it made us laugh. And then we talked about what we'd go back and save the younger us from doing, and all I could come up with was I'd tell the younger, very poor me, to buy some shares of Apple or Microsoft. The rest of my mistakes? I wouldn't undo - I learned from them, even the really mortifying ones, and they made me who I am and got me to where I am. I'm not perfect, and I don't have everything I want, but I'm making progress, and I'm happy.

    And then I asked the hub what he'd tell the younger himself and being far less of a navel-gazer than I, he said the buying Apple stock worked for him as well. Self-reflection isn't really his thing!

    1982 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear that you have been a positive influence on your daughter and showing her that little steps can lead to bigger changes. Keep up the good work and thanks for honestly sharing your own ups and downs with us. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1982 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15255276
    Yah for your daughter! That is so cool!

    I've never though about all of that like you put it. You gave me something wonderful to think about!
    1982 days ago
    YAY! That's great that DD is starting to make some changes.

    I agree with you about lessons learned along the way. Plus, I don't think I could fully appreciate DH without having encountered some real jerks in prior relationships.
    1982 days ago
    You've given me a lot to process for my own life. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and ideas.

    emoticon emoticon
    1982 days ago
    Boy are you ever right about learning from our mistakes. Too bad there are some people who don't do that even when they are old. Congrats on 8 years of marriage.
    1982 days ago
    Such true words.
    1983 days ago
    OH my dear, you are sooooo right about things working out in relationships (and life in general) only thru lessons we've learned making mistakes. I too would not have been remotely ready to marry my DH @ a younger age. But we married when I was 34 (he was 36) and have been married for 27 yrs. Still have many lessons to learn, but guess we learned enough that we have made it this far!

    Life . . . . sure is a series of lessons designed to prepare us for the next step.
    1983 days ago
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