Life in recovery, day #3

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Hello. I am new , very new to OA, and to be honest, slightly scared. I joined the OA team today. I think about going to meetings, but as we all know, work takes it out of me, and the meetings are on Wednesday, where I am usually dealing with youth group, and dinner, and homework. I think I will stay on-line for now and try meetings in December. It’s not a new concept. When I was in college, a friend introduced me to a OA lady, but I never went to a meeting. My struggles continued, and in the decade following that, I added drugs and alcohol to the mix. I became pregnant, and stopped all substances. Over the two decades that followed, I stayed clean from drugs and alcohol, parenting three kids, and have a successful career, but my weight and the issues surrounding it continued to climb. IN 2011, I decided that I would take care of it, and really began to focus on it. I have lost 30 pounds since then, but mostly it's been the same 10 lbs over and over. I have a great program, for both exercise and food, I have a supportive medical team, including an addictions therapist but I continue to fall. I don't know how OA works. I declared myself in recovery two days ago, and set some food boundaries, which I broke yesterday. Yesterday, I had a plan. I had my meals planned. I went to a football game, and was surrounded by hot dogs, and pretzels, and pizza and hot chocolate, and all stuff that I have decided is not for me .but I just keep thinking about my plan. The game went long ( 28-27, victory was ours, my son played well and we advance on to the next round of state) and I came home famished. Dinner was in the crock pot, but not quite ready. SO I ate. It's the first time I have binged in-front of my kids, in that uncontrolled, shove anything in the mouth way. So today is a new day, and I am shaking it off, but my question is, do I start my count over? Can I still say I am in recovery? Looking through the team posting, I found a check list to help with abstinence. I think I will use it at the end of the day.
1)Have I been abstinent today?
2)Did I pray and meditate today?
3)Am I working towards a healthy body weight?
4)Did I rely on my God to get or stay abstinent today?
5)Is what I am currently doing working for me to remain abstinent?
6)If I am having problems have I asked someone else what they are doing?
7) Have I made an OA call today?
8)Did I have an attitude of gratitude today?
9)Did I plan my food today?
10)Have I helped someone else today?
11)Did I have an action plan in place to stay abstinent today?
12) Do I have a sponsor and am I working the Steps with that person?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just remember it is PROGRESS not PERFECTION! OA is a great 12 step program. If you walk the talk, you will be successful. Yes, you should have a sponsor who will answer any questions you have about the program. You try to follow the steps and you do the best you can. That is how it goes. Best of luck to you!
    1458 days ago

    This why we 4-year Paleo veterans take food with us everywhere, LOL! I hate being hungry (even emotionally hungry) and watching other people eat...especially when we first started out... and you are (at this point) perpetually starting out.

    In the beginning I didn't trust myself to be 'virtuous' and in certain situations (fewer all of the time), I still don't... and it's been 4 years! I also used to be (pre-paleo) 'afraid' to eat in public... even reasonably, and then I'd overeat afterward... so the fear would keep me in check and then as soon as the 'element of fear' was removed, I'd make up for it.

    Truly, being sustainably paleo means finding your 'social paleo' too. I wonder if some of the other emotions behind your binge included resentment, frustration, and just plain feeling sorry for yourself. "?" Ergo, your plan wasn't based on your reality, but on your desired reality. The plan was inauthentic.

    Also, Kate, I truly think there is a physiological component to your binges that you haven't considered... the non-paleo binges make it impossible for you to tap into the power of the hormonal/physiological changes that take place when your diet is solidly paleo/primal.

    I sincerely wonder what would happen if you gave yourself permission to binge as long as it was only on paleo food (I'm pretty sure you wouldn't gain weight). It's sort of a dietary walking fully into the fear... with a safety net And yes, binging isn't a helpful/healthy behaviour, but over time, it actually becomes seriously difficult to binge on paleo food. I kid you not, eventually your body starts setting its own limits independent of your emotions. It's also becomes easier to examine the binge as it happens. "?"


    1459 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/16/2015 10:23:08 PM
    good check list, and I agree about forgiving ourselves. That's the hardest! HUGS and here's to a good tomorrow.
    1459 days ago
    And...forgive yourself. Don't dwell on a failure, strive for more successes!
    1459 days ago
    I'm not familiar with OA, so I'm no help there. I do know writing your blog is a positive move. Being on SparkPeople is a positive move. Take some healthy snacks that you love to the next game! Hot Dogs & concession pizza are gross anyway...true!
    1459 days ago
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