Life in Recovery, Day #2.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

So yesterday was a success, except for exercise. My partner in crime is down with wrist surgery, and I am not up to it alone. Is that an excuse? Part of recovery is stripping down to the honest below the excuse.There was not enough time in the day. to spark, meal pack and get to work early. I will have to get up earlier. but back to the success... under calories, two snacks, no eating after bedtime. stayed paleo. day 1.
While I was at work yesterday, I talked with my friend about OA. there is a group that meets in a nearby town, Wednesday night at 6. I would have to adjust my work schedule., which I can't for the month of November. Maybe in December. But I am scared, scared to go alone.
Scared to go alone, scared to exercise alone. Scared to put the thoughts down on paper. Scared to sleep, without food, for fear of PTSD nightmares. thats the honesty below the excuse.
I talked about the feeling below the binge when I was in therapy last week. It's also fear. Fear of failure. Fear of everything that could go wrong, while my thoughts scattered to the near and far, every possible outcome, done in rich detail.

So for today, while the sun is out, and the fears reside, I am going to the football game for my son. His team made it to the State Playoffs and today is game 1. The menu is to have a salad or something light right before the game, and put a roast in the crock-pot before I go. It's cold and windy, and I will have tea to drink....It's a plan.

On to the day. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It really helps to know I have a support group here at Spark.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAWMAW101
    Now that is a great plan! Congrats to your son.
    Keep up the good planning and success will come. emoticon
    1463 days ago
    Have you ever thought about seeking professional help dealing with all your fears? Weight is psychological and food is just the symptom. You need to get healthy mentally or else it is very difficult to be successful in a weight loss journey. OA is a good solution too. Be prepared, it is a very structured program. Best of luck!
    1463 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1463 days ago
    You are really doing very remarkable work in your therapy and it shows! You have a good plan for today! You can do it . . . . today. Tomorrow will be another day, right!?!
    1463 days ago
    "Be not afraid, I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give you rest."

    I sing this constantly in my head. It's my security blanket against the fear and anxiety that would keep me from moving forward... like round little Dumbo with his feather.

    Obviously the work you are doing in therapy is really helping, so I wouldn't presume to mess with that... yet I'd like to share what works for me in fear-based situations. Instead of running away from the feeling of fear and the associated situation, I figuratively run straight into it... I sit down and imagine, in as much detail as possible, what it would be like if my fears became a reality. I sit in the situation, feel the feelings, and consider if I am as helpless/overwhelmed as I feared I might be.

    ...sometimes I am; but usually I am not, and I can even see how strong I really am. And I also allow myself to consider that I might be wrong, and consider what good might be waiting for me.

    I know it probably doesn't feel like you can do this alone (the truth is we are all alone), but you can. You will get there. You are on a really good path. The authenticity is ringing from your blog. When you acknowledge something, you can change it.

    Go, Kate, GO!


    1463 days ago
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