Life in Recovery, Day #2.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
So yesterday was a success, except for exercise. My partner in crime is down with wrist surgery, and I am not up to it alone. Is that an excuse? Part of recovery is stripping down to the honest below the excuse.There was not enough time in the day. to spark, meal pack and get to work early. I will have to get up earlier. but back to the success... under calories, two snacks, no eating after bedtime. stayed paleo. day 1.
While I was at work yesterday, I talked with my friend about OA. there is a group that meets in a nearby town, Wednesday night at 6. I would have to adjust my work schedule., which I can't for the month of November. Maybe in December. But I am scared, scared to go alone.
Scared to go alone, scared to exercise alone. Scared to put the thoughts down on paper. Scared to sleep, without food, for fear of PTSD nightmares. thats the honesty below the excuse.
I talked about the feeling below the binge when I was in therapy last week. It's also fear. Fear of failure. Fear of everything that could go wrong, while my thoughts scattered to the near and far, every possible outcome, done in rich detail.
So for today, while the sun is out, and the fears reside, I am going to the football game for my son. His team made it to the State Playoffs and today is game 1. The menu is to have a salad or something light right before the game, and put a roast in the crock-pot before I go. It's cold and windy, and I will have tea to drink....It's a plan.
On to the day. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It really helps to know I have a support group here at Spark.