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I'm not a believer, but I prayed.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The other day I started reading a book about someone who dealt with depression and addiction. In fact, you may know the person very well since he is the former guitarist from Korn: Brian Welch.

A friend told me I should read his autobiography, since I've been having a difficult time these past 2 weeks with the time change. She told me that it talks a lot about him finding God. Well, I've never been a "believer", but honestly, I'm ready for a sign. From all my blogs, you may have been able to tell that I was doing quite well. And I really was. But depression is a disease, and it will always come back for more. So I promised my friend that I would read this book which was called "Save Me from Myself."

I never thought I'd have anything in common with a former rock star. In fact, there was so much in common that I was instantly attached to that book. I read and read, and hardly put it down. In two days, I was finished with it. And honestly, there were only a few differences that we had.

The first was that he was, of course, a famous rock star with lots of money. However, that isn't part of the main discussion. Mainly our difference mentally was that he was addicted to drugs because of his depression. Honestly, I think I'm addicted to food instead, which can have just as harmful effects in the future. So perhaps we had addiction in common after all.

The second difference was that he healed himself by reaching out to God. He didn't believe at first, which is much like me. But in the end, he had found Him. The transformation he had made blew my mind, so last night I made a huge decision.

I decided to pray.

It was the first time I've ever done a sincere prayer. It felt unbelievable, like I was being filled with love. I opened up so much. The only problem was that it didn't last. Because this morning, I was depressed again.

I have to keep telling myself that just like Brian Welch, it takes time to get healed by the Lord. And for me, I haven't even had my sign yet to know that He himself is real and watching over me. Yet, I'm not giving up hope. I will continue to pray; I will continue to live life trying to get closer. Because in the end, what else do I have to lose?

I even bought myself this prayer box, which is filled with the most beautiful aqua sea glass. I'm very excited about it coming in the mail Monday.

There it is, my most surprising blog of all time. I'm not yet a full believer, but I prayed with all of my heart. And to me, that was an incredible first step. And please, if you're a believer our there, pray for me. Pray for me to find my sign. Pray for me that God will help me out of this depression. What's better, I'll be praying as well.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Also - prayers.
    The prayer for my son, I had to say it every night for a few days and he suddenly slept in the crib on his own for a couple hours,between feeds. He'd eat, fall asleep during a feed, and stay asleep in the crib. Any research you do will say be glad if you can manage to get a newborn to sleep in a wide open crib, as they're so used to the tight space of a womb. He prefers now to stretch and have his space....but those prayers helped....
    Even brandon had come back into the room, "How'd you get him to sleep?"
    me: I....made a little prayer?
    Brandon: *gives me a weird look like: Got that desperate?*
    me: hey, it worked...
    Brandon: shoulda tried that a while ago....

    We're both atheist but we leave it slightly ajar...It may be that we stopped believing because things humans know about god don't seem to...make a lot of sense or explain a lot, and those that are religious have been the worst people we've ever met (No offense! Some are just too judgemental and it goes against the bible to act the way they do, but that's what we've seen! Not all are like that, so don't attack me lol). So I guess that pushed us away all the more...
    1813 days ago
    I'm atheist but.. I believe in spirits and I've seen things that are religious in nature relating to god that worked. My son was having a difficult time and I had a feeling of some new spirit. I was so desperate for my son to be able to sleep in our room again, to sleep in his crib...

    I made a cross on his forehead and made up a prayer, "Protect my son from dark and evil, save my son from all of the negative. Bring forth to him bright light protection. Scare off the night and light him with day" or some crap like that... He stopped crabbing shortly after saying "Amen", passed out, and remained asleep in his crib. I am not a believer, but I've seen odd things work that make me question and it makes me think if God is there, he sits as far back as he can but only takes those prayers of those in desperate need that have tried all they can. As it should be... not every prayer should be answered... I'm spiritual, but I prefer to leave that a slightly ajar door, just for the fact I've seen odd things work inspite of my preference of religious belief...

    I'm glad you're looking at other options in life to try and help you further. You have done so much to try and take care of your depression, to feel happier and lighter of all burden... but on a spiritual aspect, you could also have a bumming spirit following you around... they just kind of appear sometimes....attracted to the energy you release and feed off it, or attached to an item...just saying. Sage incense burned just after returning from work or when you've had a rought day could possibly lighten you as well =]

    Best of luck, as always, and somehow you'll find something that works for you.
    1813 days ago
    emoticon all are watched over and all are taken care of. I remember seeing that guys transformation on a documentary, it blew me away too. I wish you all the best, I'm sure peace will find you soon
    1814 days ago
    emoticon Keep praying!
    1814 days ago
    I so enjoyed this blog. A lot of friends write long blogs, but they seldom grab my attention as yours do. Why is that I wonder?

    I think part of it is that I have had my moments and my signs. I attended a catholic school for 9 years and so it has been beat in my head, but it is the signs that God is watching and paying attention that keep me in line.

    This could be such a long response or a long conversation. My friend you are right what can it hurt to put a little hope and a little faith in the almighty. It's just time, that you might waste on some other thing, and actually you can pray while you work out, while you hug your animals, while you lay in bed before you go to sleep. You don't have to be in a special place to pray, just do it.

    Loved the blog and you continue to hold a special place in my heart. Again I have no idea why! Maybe we were related in another life.
    1814 days ago
    I will be praying for you. I can honestly say I could not have gotten through all my physical trials without the help of my Lord and savior.
    1814 days ago
    Prayers !
    1814 days ago
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