Monday, November 09, 2015
Hunger: A Memoir of (M...
by Roxane Gay
Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body
by Roxane Gay (Goodreads Author), Tbd (Reading)
4.04 of 5 stars 4.04 · rating details · 23 ratings · 1 review
From the bestselling author of Bad Feminist: a searingly honest memoir of food, weight, self-image, and learning how to feed your hunger while taking care of yourself
“I ate and ate and ate in the hopes that if I made myself big, my body would be safe. I buried the girl I was because she ran into all kinds of trouble. I tried to erase every memory of her, but she is still there, somewhere. . . . I was trapped in my body, one that I barely recognized or understood, but at least I was safe.”
In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health. As a woman who describes her own body as “wildly undisciplined,” Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care. In Hunger, she explores her own past—including the devastating act of violence that acted as a turning point in her young life—and brings readers along on her journey to understand and ultimately save herself.
With the bracing candor, vulnerability, and power that have made her one of the most admired writers of her generation, Roxane explores what it means to learn to take care of yourself: how to feed your hungers for delicious and satisfying food, a smaller and safer body, and a body that can love and be loved—in a time when the bigger you are, the smaller your world becomes. (less)
Expected publication: JUNE 2016
So... my two best friends in Chicago went and saw Roxanne Gay this past week at the Chicago Humanities Festival. They missed me. I was supposed to be there. I'm glad I was missed. It felt especially good when Mark told me today that he and Kristen kept asking each other "What would Paula think of that...". I'm starving (s t a r v i n g --- really? maybe? not sure? especially not sure when I correlated that idea with the idea of H U N G E R as we know now that today we are thinking about that)
hunger and satiety
abundance and scarcity
what is enough
visible and invisible
gravitas and ephemera
(the above foray a terrific example of the way my WORD=love takes me sideways when I'm writing typing talking)
I am missed by my friends whose conversational company and daily companionship has been for 10-20 years the mainstay of my remembering my best self ... the vocal idea engaged self... that is dormant here. Okay... dormant.
Relate: Dormant to Starving --- Go!
Solo solo solo solo
Lack of stimulation
Yes... In a beautiful place
Yes... a vacation spot that people spend thousands to visit
Lack of intellectual engagement and activities to attend
Lack of friends to share ideas with IN PERSON
warmth and proximity
I just got a ridiculous phone call
from a survey company
with a very interesting topic
the way children under 15 are targeted by the media
the horrendously written questions (i only heard two and refused to answer them)
are deliberately written so that anyone can easily misconstrue the statistics to serve whatever purpose the hidden survey commissioner has in mind.
When I asked for clarification of what they mean by the question... the poor woman reading the card of course had no where to go and nothing to say. When I asked for a supervisor... I got dead air.
Starting this blog....
On the topic of my frustrated intellectual internal voice and muzzled public speaker
SET ME OFF
I'm Hot and bothered now after that phone call
with the energy that
yes - my friends -
with the energy that
a lifetime of USING FOOD to sedate
helped me PUT OUT
and when not food... a low grade 'depression' posture.... earnestly inherited from early childhood trauma.... which decades of therapy has gratefully healed
helped me lie low -
my BFF who has also stopped using food
and who has lost now 110 lbs
has more energy
has more anxiety
has more SPACE TO FILL
SPACE TO INHABIT
in that space where the larger amorphous "body" was
i've been muffling mine
MUFFLING MY ENERGY
in all kinds of ways
Even putting it on a treadmill
while a "noble" calorie-burning routine to meet my goals
is a kind of damper
no sex in my relationship
a kind of damper
damper - i think of the middle peddle on the piano and not a silencer
but the definition is interesting (see bottom of page)
How Alive Can I Entertain Feeling
This is a topical question in 2015 too ... what with all the TEDtalks and books being written about the MINUS side of the equation that too-much-screen-time has produced in the population and especially in children and in "educational" uses... and in the way families engage.
Lots of ideas here.
What do we do with them?
Fat girls don't go to proms.... and all the other things in life that I learned not to want.
I've enjoyed feeling some of these juices.
I enjoyed hearing my friends missed me sharing events and conversations and creating experiences.
I enjoy the rain. And will not let it DAMPER my day.
MORE OF MY SELF
New Spark Goal
as of TODAY
Love to y'al
a person or thing that has a depressing, subduing, or inhibiting effect.
"another damper on reactor development was the problem of safeguards"
synonyms: curb, check, restraint, restriction, limit, limitation, constraint, rein, brake, control, impediment; More
a pad that silences a piano string except when removed by means of a pedal or by the note being struck.
a device for reducing mechanical vibration, in particular a shock absorber on a motor vehicle.