Tuesday October 27, 2015

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I work myself sick. In December I have a doctor's appointment to confirm that (as well as to prescribe anti-nausea meds) but based on the 3AM bout of anxiety I had last night and the vague work-related nightmares that haunted my migraine, I am doing this to myself. If I was in a job interview and they asked me the cheap "What is your greatest weakness?"-type problem, I would say that I first ask what needs to be done, I do not ask Do I need to be the one to do it. That means my competency and willingness to problem-solve saddles me with unnecessary work. Oh, it feels necessary. It's like being the tall girl in the grocery aisle where a bunch of 5-footers are trying to reach the top shelf. "Oh, I can do that." I think, ready to help. But If I spend the day getting other people's groceries then I am left with an empty cart and strangers who now rely on me. I did this to myself. I don't know how but I need to break this to my boss, that I can try to question myself, hold back, but that honestly it isn't in my nature. I work too hard and it is making me sick. I have long wanted to institute regular work from home days. Maybe I can propose that now. Who knows. Stupidly, I need to use life to distract myself from work. In terms of SparkPeople that means at 3AM I made a simple goal of losing 5lbs per month. That means each month becomes a journey on a finite road. Not "just another 5 lbs" which has mired me in hopelessness before, but specifically "October is the journey from 195 to 190." Framed that way I have drive and clarity. I was at 191 two weeks ago but my last weigh-in was 193, maybe because I also got my period that day (and then descended into migraine). I only have 4 days of October left, but if I am in the 190s or near it this Saturday then I will take myself thrift store shopping.
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