times are hard for dreamers

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

So I've been biking miles on end for the past couple of days... first it was just to get out and enjoy the warm and sunny weather, but now, my bike is quickly becoming an escape.

from what?

anger and sadness at my sister's recent breakup (I don't take kindly to those who hurt those I love, and well, I can't be there for her, as I am over 400 miles away without a car)

frustration: cause I guess no matter what kind of achievements I have or growth as an "adult" I make, it will never be enough for some people... I will never have their approval. It's putting me in a rock and a hard place.

this weekend has been a challenge. My therapist challenged me to not say or think anything negative about myself... I failed. I feel inadequate... it's hard for me to deal with...

when I bike, I can bike to far off places where no one can hear me cry out to God for guidance, discernment, patience and for love: love for those who *hate* me, love for myself, love for my percieved "enemies"...

I just don't know what to do anymore...

well, I do know one thing to do: stop listening to Copeland's album "Eat, Sleep, Repeat" when depressed. it only makes things worse.
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