Won't Back Down!
Friday, October 16, 2015
It's the first time I've been able to enjoy the changing weather. Oh this wonderful fall weather with coloring leaves and a short sweet breeze from time to time. I don't know how I was never able to enjoy it before. But oh, I really do… it was because of depression.
It's been 2 weeks since I've been discharged from the "prison" and have had a change in medication, but only a week since I've been discharged from partial group therapy. For some reason I thought I'd fall apart afterwards, but it has been quite the contrary; my week has been full of excitement. I have cleaned the house, went shopping for things I've WANTED, and have even went ahead and did some stuff that I kept putting off.
For example, I kept saying I'd wait to get a triple helix piercing until I had lost more weight. Well, I went ahead and got it anyway. I kept putting off my f;ght tattoo. Well, I went ahead and got that too! I've also been hustling on my Halloween costume, and I actually think I'll be able to finish it in time. I even got new workout shoes so I can start taking better care of my body. In general, I've been filled with life. And there is no better feeling.
Am I upset that I have to take all my classes over again? Of course. Am I hating the fact that it will take me even longer to graduate now that I have medically withdrew from my classes? No doubt. But I won't lie to you; not having to juggle five classes and full time work has been my greatest enjoyment. Instead of heading to class every single day after working an 8 hour shift, I usually go for a walk now to clear my head and keep me healthy in every way. Then I will usually go home and clean up a little around the house. Things that NORMAL PEOPLE DO.
If it were depressed me, I'd binge eat and then go to bed immediately after work. I'm starting to learn the difference between my moods, and that's what partial group and TMS treatments have taught me.
I'm continuing to learn so much, so quickly. I'm also hoping that this energy within me continues to radiate. But something inside me tells me that the depression will always be a fight; because it doesn't just go away all of a sudden. It requires medication, therapy, and pure strength to pull through. And I have all of that now. I'm ready to give my hardest fight next time it decides to be my shadow. Because now I know what it feels like to enjoy being alive, and there's no way I'm going back now!