I used to think my story was a weight loss story. Seemed simple enough: I lost a bunch of weight, maintained it, did some cool stuff, blah blah blah.
Over the last year and a half as I gained weight, my insecurities started to grow: Have I failed as a weight loss success? Was I being seen as a hypocrite? Why does it feel "wrong" to be "fat" again?
I've wanted to crash diet and do cardio up the wazoo to "fix" the fat (this of course assumes there's something wrong with it). My brain spins it as improving my weight-to-strength ratio since y'know, I lift heavy weights in competition, and a better ratio can mean a better placing. My heart however, knows the real reason is because I'm feeling inadequate and as if I'm not living up to being a weight loss success.
Thanks to good chats with friends, lots of self-reflection, support from my hubs Matt, and my meet coming up in 5 days, it occurred to me...
The story I've believed, the one where I was "only" a weight loss story, doesn't fit anymore. That story doesn't serve who I really am and want to be in the world right now.
My story isn't that I was once fat and inactive and am now skinny and athletic.
My story isn't that I used to run and now I lift.
My story isn't that I hated my body and now love it.
My story IS that I'm a freakin' supernova and want to shine that light so bright you know everything's possible for YOU.
It just happens to come out through fitness grin emoticon
My new story will be one where my health and fitness choices come from a place of being grounded in knowing WHY I do what I do. The itchiness of the old "weight loss story" is gone, and there's ease and expansion in my "supernova story".
Here's something you already know: the outside stuff you do, the actions you take, that's not where the power of change lies. It's in the subtle, in the inner thoughts, beliefs, and stories only you know.
Take a look at your stories. Own them. Keep what still lifts you up, honor and let go of what no longer fits. Decide what story you want to write, stay curious to what unfolds, have fun, and keep going.