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Cherish those that you love....

Saturday, September 26, 2015

So every time whenever my birthday gets near this feeling of loneliness always take over. I know that I am a strong person and a fighter but for some reason I just can't seem to shake this one. It always start around October 1st (my birthday is in october) and last all the way to the end of January (her birthday is in January). After years of struggling and trying to figure out why it finally hit me about 10 years ago and I've been struggling ever since to fight it.

So my birthday is October 21st and I have yet to celebrate it since my mother pass away April 20,2002. I don't see the point of celebrating my birthday anymore. The best gift that i have ever gotten was from my mother. She would come in my room at 11:45pm on October 20th and sit at the edge of my bed and we would just talk. At 12:00am on October 21st she would kiss me and wish me happy birthday and tell me that she loves me and how proud she is of me. Now that she's gone there's no getting it back.

My mother was my best friend. We had the best relationship that a parent and a child could ever have. I would tell her any and everything. She was very open and honest with me. Even though we had that tight knit relationship she was still my mother who would whip my ass if I ever step out of line. Classmates, friends, peers, neighbors, teachers, acquaintances, enemies, friend-enemies and even family were jealous of the relationship that my mother had with her children. She have 7 children and treated us all the same. She loved us all equally. She encouraged us to always follow our dreams, to reach for the stars, whenever we fall and we will we should get up brush ourselves off and keep pushing. She is a strong believer in education and pushed us to be hard-workers and never to give up on our education and to believe in ourselves.

So after my mother passed away my dad decided to sell our house and move to Florida. I was in school and taking finals the day of the move so I decided to stay in New York while the rest of my family moved to Florida December 2002. I went to Florida after finalizes was over and I didn't like it so I decided to stay in New York. It was December and knowing that it's Florida it was supposed to be hot all year was cold and the worst part about it for me is that it was slow. I'm used to the fast pace in New York and in Orlando everything was just moving a turtle. So I decided to stay in New York where I was raised.

I know that it was my decision to be separated from my family and remain in New York without any family or immediate support. Now that it's nearing October and the Holiday season the feeling of loneliness have started to show it's ugly head. I have been trying so hard to fight it but I'm starting to feel defeated. No matter how successful/wealthy you are when the feeling of loneliness takes over it can knock you to your knees. I'm just praying that God will give me strength to overcome.
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