JUSTJAIMESIZED
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The Terror of my Dreams

Thursday, September 17, 2015

I sometimes wish I could write in the dark, with no light invading my thoughts when I'm thinking so deeply. On nights that I'm feeling slightly depressed and cannot sleep, I know I write the most beautiful poems in my mind. And then by morning, they are all forgotten and replaced with the most nerve racking dreams I've ever experienced.

Although most of my dreams slip away from my mind in the early morning, these particular ones are in my mind all day, and sometimes for a week or two after. I feel as if I'm truly living the events in my dreams, and they traumatizing me. Here is one from Tuesday night, which made me wake up in sweat and tears:

*BEGIN DREAM*

I went to a bonfire with my best friend, Lane. We had entirely too much to drink and passed out at whom ever's house we were located. That morning, Lane informed me that we needed to go to a wedding shower.

It was almost as if everyone at the wedding shower was ignoring us, and only cared to grab the gifts in our hands. So I stood in the corner listening in to conversations.

All of a sudden, there were shots and bomb-like noises coming from outside. I remember looking out of the window and seeing a car's headlight explode. Every one panicked, and it almost seemed as if they all knew what was coming next, because everyone was saying their goodbyes. Lane made me crouch on the floor and she hovered over me, as if trying to protect me. Three men walked in with guns, and I remember her saying, "Good bye Jaime." And I said, "I love you, Lane" in return.

The men walked out for only a moment, and all I remember is suddenly wedging myself in between a counter and a wall, taking in no regard for my best friend's safety. I couldn't see anything from that position except darkness. Then I heard the shots firing, and I knew everyone except me was dead. I woke up immediately after that.

*END DREAM*

When I woke up from the dream, I felt panicked and guilty. Guilty that I had just left my best friend for dead. That feeling stayed with me for the rest of the day, and even now while I write this. I have dreams such as this at least 3 times a week, and they are always different. Yes, always different, but just as terrifying. This, along with the stress of my classes, is making it hard not to struggle with depression right now. But I don't really blame myself, because living a traumatic experience, even in your dreams, is fairly difficult to deal with.
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  • DIAMONDTEAR
    I once had a dream that i was terrified to go to church...granted, I'm atheist but... in the dream my 2 best friends were trying to get me to go, i guess i was traumatized from an event and they kept telling me it wasn't going to happen, that i was just paranoid and it'd be okay... ANYWAY, we end up going and i get like a glimpse of the future of this big buff white and black guy with machine guns. I come to and explain to my friends that we needed to get out of there... suddenly they and everyone in the church are coming towards me with weird creepy grim smiles, all chanting, 'it'll be okay'... I somehow got through, got to the back of the church, caught sight of the guys in the vision, and made a break for a small room where a bed sheet (covered the entire doorway) acted as a door. it was like a storage area, and i hid on the floor area behind bins...

    anyway.... i heard my 2 friends coming and calling my name...and then the sounds of bullets piercing skin and liquid splattering...followed by many screams, bullets, and bodies hitting the ground..........

    I think everyone have these kind of nightmares time to time... they depend on your stress level/anxiety/fears...you shouldn't feel guilty for what dream you does...some people, like me, have no control of their dreams..and it isn't like you would actually do that if it were to really happen...
    1856 days ago
  • IOWALONEWOLF
    Man we have got to find a way for you to lighten up your dreams. Sorry I have been a bit MIA the past few weeks. I think of you often and hope you are better than this blog implies. Although I detect some very coherent thoughts that seems to my implies you are doing pretty well. Talk to me later.

    B
    1856 days ago
  • SRWYLIE
    Hi Jaime, don't let those dreams penetrate your waking thoughts too much. Just remember that dreams are our brains way of processing the events of the day and turning them into movies. I think it's a creative process, and allows negative energy to dissipate from our minds and our bodies. Don't take them literally - consider them your own personal fiction. The important thing is to wake up! You're going to be just fine....
    1869 days ago
  • RYANEB
    Wow! Have you talked with a counselor about your depression and traumatic dreams??
    1869 days ago
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