Not Always Perfect
Saturday, September 12, 2015
The past couple of weeks have been a struggle, but I am still here. I had days where I was perfectly on track with my program. I had days where I was most definitely not. It's okay. Yes, really.
The fact is, off track has become a much smaller demon. The binges are smaller. There are less days of missed workouts. The scale is moving down- slower than I would like, but it is going down. Consistently. For the first time in a very long time. These are good things! And instead of beating myself up for every mistake, I am choosing to acknowledge what I am doing right- most of the time.
I still have some mentally bad days. That happens with bipolar. It also happens with changing my health. I had a day this week where I stopped a binge in its tracks- 4 bites in- for a little voice that said "you don't have to do this". HUGE victory. I also had a day when I panicked after a meal that made me feel too full. I purged. That was less than optimal, but it did not lead to a cycle of bingeing and purging. So in its own way, also a mixed sort of victory.
Every day I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with- and what I need to still work out. I am learning to hold myself accountable, but still trying to be more patient and more gentle with myself. I did not love the number of my weigh in today. But it was still lower than last week. I am okay with this. My determination is growing, and becoming more steady with each small success. I can do this. I know I can. Gently.