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My misery does not love company

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

i've been trying to write this blog since my two-month anniversary on Sept. 1 but i've been in a crap mood for days. i don't even know how to write about what i'm feeling.

i feel completely isolated some days. like i don't fit in with anyone or anything sometimes. i'm also super lonely. i used to have a lot of friends at work but they've departed and that's hard. i still talk to them but i don't have them there for daily support.

most of my week nights are spent at home alone. my friends and family invite me out but i'm just so completely unmotivated to socialize. i'm lonely but i don't want to be around anyone. how stupid is that? i don't even know how to solve that problem. i know i should probably start dating again but even the thought of that gives me incredible anxiety and triggers great insecurity.

everyone says time. you just need time. that's all fine and dandy but what the hell do i do in the meantime? just sit around and be lonely and miserable? i feel like this is my only option and that just makes life seem hopeless.

i'm amazed i've managed to even stay active and not eat terribly. so i guess that's one good's all becoming a habit. automatic.

so here's probably a not-so-positive review of where i'm at after two months:

1. physically i can't really see much difference. my clothes fit a little better but not enough for me to just glance in a mirror and notice or for anyone else to notice.

2. fitness wise i have seen some improvements. i actually walked a 15-minute mile the other day. i was amazed. i also finally walked up this big hill without stopping. i'm sore today because of it but it felt good to reach the top. i'm getting more coordinated at zumba and less out of breath. i still can't plank to save my life or do a push-up.

3. i'm down about 16 pounds since i began. that really doesn't seem like much and i have so much more to go.

4. i have finally unlocked the secret to something you love not what someone tells you to do. i mean if this is supposed to be for life, how can you really commit to five days on a treadmill? i hate the treadmill although i realize it's sometime a good alternative. now i'm doing swimming, bootcamp, zumba, walking, hiking, dancing and whatever else i actually like to do. i've had very few days that i dread "exercising."

5. my fitbit helped me realize i'm a lot more active than i thought. i have a desk job but i rarely sit still. i'm happy to learn this about myself.

6. i struggle daily to eat healthy. i don't really ever crave sugar and i get plenty of fruits and vegetables. however, i love me some cheeseburgers, fries and pizza and eat them way more than i should.

overall i'm not very inspired or encouraged with the progress i've made so far. i don't know what would make me feel that way. let's see what happens in another two months.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    16 pounds is pretty awesome! Way to go!

    As for feeling anti social... been there, done that. Actually struggling to get out of a bit of a rut there myself right now. Besides making myself do what I know I need to do, I have no secrets... and I am very much still trying to figure it out myself.
    1287 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    16 pounds in two months is nothing to sneeze at - take a minute to appreciate that loss. Ok - now that you're all appreciated and stuff...

    It's hard to stay motivated. I've lost 40 since the beginning of the year and I still don't see it in the mirror. My work pants that I purchased at my highest weight require a belt now, but that's about the only visible change. A couple people have commented on my weight loss, but I don't see it. We are too close to ourselves to see the drastic changes that you notice when you see someone for the first time in a long time. Finding exercise you like is important, but even then the motivation to back up that exercise with healthy eating is tough. Preparing those meals is just one more thing to have to do and some days it's just one too many.

    Socializing vs being lonely, boy do I get this. When I'm alone I wish there were people around, but when I'm around people all I want to to is go home and be alone. There's no easy answer.

    Try to focus on the positives. Some days that's easier than others, but focusing on the negative never helps.
    1291 days ago
    So - 16 pounds in two months is about 2 pounds a week. Per the Mayo Clinic, ideal weight loss is 1-2 pounds a week, so rejoice in the fact that you are currently ideal!

    I've been in the "unmotivated to socialize" mode frequently in my life (kind of am right now actually, my friends are starting to get sick of me telling them no). Wish I had some advice for you there but sadly all I can offer is a "Been there."

    We made some zucchini pizza boats the other day that were far fewer calories than actual pizza and reduced the pizza cravings for me - Slice a zucchini in half, top with an ounce or so of mozzerella (between both) and a light smear of pizza sauce, then we used turkey pepperoni and some veggies. Pretty delicious. Similar to this recipe:
    Also feel free to add me as a fitbit friend!<
    And last piece of unasked for and unqualified advice: If you are seeing strides in your fitness/exercise then I would say everything you're doing is worth it - use those victories to keep you motivated and soon you'll also see the difference in the mirror too. Progress is slow at times (I got lucky and somehow dropped a lot of weight in one month, but other times it seriously crawls) but even if the rewards aren't always the ones you were hoping for, they are always there.

    And finally: yes, dating SUCKS. Worse than job interviews.
    1292 days ago
    Wow I could have written your blog... I feel exactly the way you do right now. This week is my second month of all this,and I keep telling myself I hope in another 2 months I will see more results and feel even better. The main thing is you aren't giving up... And as long as we keep pushing it will get better! I have been so grumpy this week and couldn't figure out why, until I read your blog. It's because I'm disappointed this whole process isn't going as fast as I think should(i have unrealistic expectations haha). Time will move faster and faster you will see! And before you know it you will be the weight you want to be!! emoticon emoticon
    1292 days ago
    16lbs is wonderful! I say that not only for you, but also for me since that is also what I've lost in the last 2 months. LOL. You're doing a great job!
    1293 days ago
    16 pounds!!! Congrats!!! That;s a lot. That is the same as three infants. Or some vacuum cleaners. Or a school aged child. Or 3 of the 5-lb bags of potatoes, or a car tire, or small dog, a microwave oven. I have 80 pounds to go, so I know what you mean when you say you have a lot left to lose (I don't know how many more you have) but 16 pounds is nothing to sneeze at. And maybe you can find some things you enjoy doing solo?? I like reading. I also like walking in the park. I can go to museums by myself. Treat yourself to a nice day! I do hope you begin to feel better, but until then, we're here to try to show you some of the light! :)
    1293 days ago
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