Thursday, September 03, 2015
I ate very very badly yesterday. I had very little sleep the prior night, a very stressful day from wake-up until about 1:30pm. Then I just zombied out even though I knew I had a ton of work to do, and so I also had guilt. All of that piled on and I made bad choices all afternoon and evening. I didn't even make dinner, we just ate quick foods, which did include awful stuff. I feel awful about it, but this is life and I have a lot to do today, and just need to move ON. So I will. No beating myself up about it. It happened. It's done. And the best thing I can do is make today better (which, frankly, should be easy to do except that these days often come in groups). But last night was better sleep, if interrupted for about 1/2 hour around 5am. My son is back to waking up in the night and needing things from me, or so he thinks.
And that is what I think gets me the most with my health and my "I Matter" philosophy. I do matter, I do want to pursue good health, but I often feel powerless because my days aren't my own to control, and neither are my nights. I can exert a certain amount of will, but in the end, I'm not 100% in control.
Now, in the stark light of the day after, I can rationalize that almost nobody IS 100% in control of their minutes, hours, days. I am so thankful for all of you who share your struggles because it helps me to realize that I'm no different. And I should give myself the same advice I give you guys when you have a day of struggle. We all have challenges, we all have things on our lists that we wouldn't have chosen to put there, and we all have disappointments, emotional situations, and just plain demands on us that we see as horribly inconvenient, if not downright drown-worthy. We all have things we'd rather not do. I am not alone. Thank you all for sharing those things! Each of you has shared your personal journey and it helps me today. Tremendously.