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I love September

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Almost 6 weeks under my belt and have lost 23 pounds so far. Wow! I have an empty Pandora bracelet and have been buying myself a new bead every 10 pounds, so I have 2 beads on it and I love it. I love looking at it. The 2nd bead I chose is light green glass, to remind me how much I love my vegetables and how much they love me. The 1st bead is a butterfly because, as the song goes, I'm comin' out! Breaking out of my cocoon and back into my womanhood! emoticon

I've been doing well over the past month. I've been eating oatmeal with ground flax seed, cinnamon, walnuts, and berries every single morning. It's my favorite meal because it's the only bready type of carb I eat, and it's easy, solid, dependable, and delicious. emoticon I'm lucky because I can literally eat the same thing every day for weeks, even months, and be fine. My sons can't eat the same thing two days in a row, unless it's pizza!

I've been eating salads as much as possible and actually developed a taste for them. Not being too concerned with some oil in the dressings (although I lean more toward no oil), I just make sure it's on the side and I dip my fork in it. I eat steamed veggies with basically nothing on them. Stir fries with chick peas, brussel sprouts, spinach, and especially onions and mushrooms. I'm trying to water sautee as much as possible, instead of using oil, and it's totally fine. Sure, the food needs salt at first, but you get used to it and you really don't need it -- there's all kinds of flavors in different spices you can use, and sometimes I use Bragg's liquid aminos for a soy sauce flavor.

It's very noticeable to me now, when I use a little too much oil or salty flavoring like the liquid aminos, and it's not pleasant. I find the flavor of the veggies themselves is so much better without all that. It's this panicky fear when I'm cooking that causes me to add a little too much of this or that, for fear that I won't like it, it won't be good enough etc. but it's always fine, and delicious, and my weight keeps melting away and my fasting sugar is around 120 so it's still going in the right direction.

I haven't been exercising as much as I should be and need to be. My arms and legs are getting flabby, soft, and jiggly already and I'm worried. I need to find room in my life for exercise every day. It's very hard, especially with the boys starting school now there's no time in the evening. emoticon emoticon And it's the same with exercise as with the panicky cooking -- I don't want to do it at all and I try to avoid it ("Oh look, it's raining, I'm not going to the gym") but after I've done it, I feel GREAT. Like really great. Outstanding, actually.

The other day I ordered salad and asparagus at a restaurant. The asparagus had butter on it and the salad had the dressing (white balsamic vinaigrette) on top and it was way too much, I couldn't eat either one. My ex-husband said "well you didn't ask for it that way, so..." Me: "but that doesn't mean I have to eat it, I'm committed to this eating style for my health, I mean now I know but she could've asked too." I talked to the waitress and of course it was no problem, she brought out another salad with the dressing on the side and didn't charge us for the asparagus. I was so proud of myself! And it's true that all these little choices you make help to strengthen your commitment and your resistance muscle.

Last night, however, I took a serious tumble. I know now that I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do and not enough time to do it and I was feeling really down. So at another restaurant which had nothing healthy basically, I ordered a veggie quesadilla, but it had melted cheese all in it. I ate the whole thing plus like 4 broccoli bites. emoticon I was having a melt-down as it was all unfolding and just kept putting these breaded fried cheesy broccoli bites in my mouth as I was getting more and more upset! Of course later that evening I felt like total dog sh*t, physically and mentally, and then in the middle of the night, I got SOO SICK! I thought I was gonna die on the bathroom floor! Severe painful cramps, vomiting and more - just awful! emoticon I had read a blog from Emily Boller saying she had pizza after being on Eat to Live for a long time and she described it as becoming "violently ill" - she wasn't kidding! That's exactly what it was. I can't believe cheese did all that to me. My parents are from Italy, for God's sake, I've lived on cheese all my life!

So I have a whole new perspective today. I'm committed to my End of Diabetes eating program and preparing my food. I'm examining my motives for yesterday, although like I said I think I know what it was, so I'm choosing not to beat myself up and think of myself as a failure (as Old Me would). I have to reinforce my reasons, reading and writing, however, for support. And I'm committing myself to exercise this month... after I figure out once and for all where to find room for it.

I'm ready.
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