My Story....My Why!
Friday, August 21, 2015
I just shared the below "story of my life" in a fitness challenge group on Facebook and just knew it was time to share it here. I think that I had shared a little of this prior, but I know at the time I wasn't free of the demons that kept me from being the person I am today. I want to share this because if ANYONE else out there has had any of this happen to them I want them to know they aren't alone.
I see people sharing their stories and feel like it's a great time to share mine, especially in this closed group. My story begins when I was a young child. My mom remarried when I was very young. The man that became my step father was a good man for years, until the sexual abuse started. I still remember the time my mom was out of town and he came into my room and that was when the "secret" started....I was 5!! Sadly this went in for years because of the lies he told me to keep me quiet. It wasn't until they got divorced that my two older brothers became my Hero's and told my Mom what was going on....at that point I was 11. Looking back I wasn't hiding behind food, but I do remember sneaking food at night or when no one was looking.
After court and counseling my Mom began a relationship with drugs and a woman. This woman was very emotionally abusive. She had been in our family for years and was a person I trusted so to hear her call me names and put my body image down. In many ways this was worse than what my step father had done because this was chipping away my last bit of self worth.
The tip of the scale was when I married at 19 to a man that was a alcoholic and abused drugs. My personal worth was so low I didn't think I deserved anything better! After 7 years I finally divorced him and my daughter and I were free of him. After a year apart I found out that he had tried to abuse our daughter so more court and counseling, and more feelings of personal failure. The only plus was that because I was able to share my past with my daughter she was able to stop anything serious from happening. My brave little girl was able to say no!
It took me a few years to really trust a man again, which I did because I found my husband...a man I had been friends with for years and a relationship just blossomed. 8 years ago I moved to Philly, lost my job, and stopped smoking. So with no one knowing (even me) I fell into a depression and gained about 50lbs.
I have done a lot in the 8 years I've been here and this past February I really started to work on me. It has been a slow battle and at times a few steps back. So when I say I've lost almost 30lbs I also say that with a cup over flowing with pride, because what doesn't show on the scale is the fact for the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and say I LOVE ME! I no longer hear the voices of my past telling me I'm not worthy. In free from my demons!
I can honestly say without 21 Day Fix I would NOT be here and would not be on the road to recovery from all my hardships. I thank Autumn and Beachbody everyday, but I also thank myself for finally believing that I am worthy enough to dedicate the time to and to be healthy and strong!
It doesn't come overnight....as I said in my last blog this path I'm on now has been a long time coming. I'm not looking back, I will be pushing forward and onto a better life for me and my family. My past no longer has any control over me and my future is all that matters.