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My Story....My Why!

Friday, August 21, 2015

I just shared the below "story of my life" in a fitness challenge group on Facebook and just knew it was time to share it here. I think that I had shared a little of this prior, but I know at the time I wasn't free of the demons that kept me from being the person I am today. I want to share this because if ANYONE else out there has had any of this happen to them I want them to know they aren't alone. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I see people sharing their stories and feel like it's a great time to share mine, especially in this closed group. My story begins when I was a young child. My mom remarried when I was very young. The man that became my step father was a good man for years, until the sexual abuse started. I still remember the time my mom was out of town and he came into my room and that was when the "secret" started....I was 5!! Sadly this went in for years because of the lies he told me to keep me quiet. It wasn't until they got divorced that my two older brothers became my Hero's and told my Mom what was going that point I was 11. Looking back I wasn't hiding behind food, but I do remember sneaking food at night or when no one was looking. After court and counseling my Mom began a relationship with drugs and a woman. This woman was very emotionally abusive. She had been in our family for years and was a person I trusted so to hear her call me names and put my body image down. In many ways this was worse than what my step father had done because this was chipping away my last bit of self worth. The tip of the scale was when I married at 19 to a man that was a alcoholic and abused drugs. My personal worth was so low I didn't think I deserved anything better! After 7 years I finally divorced him and my daughter and I were free of him. After a year apart I found out that he had tried to abuse our daughter so more court and counseling, and more feelings of personal failure. The only plus was that because I was able to share my past with my daughter she was able to stop anything serious from happening. My brave little girl was able to say no! It took me a few years to really trust a man again, which I did because I found my husband...a man I had been friends with for years and a relationship just blossomed. 8 years ago I moved to Philly, lost my job, and stopped smoking. So with no one knowing (even me) I fell into a depression and gained about 50lbs. I have done a lot in the 8 years I've been here and this past February I really started to work on me. It has been a slow battle and at times a few steps back. So when I say I've lost almost 30lbs I also say that with a cup over flowing with pride, because what doesn't show on the scale is the fact for the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and say I LOVE ME! I no longer hear the voices of my past telling me I'm not worthy. In free from my demons! I can honestly say without 21 Day Fix I would NOT be here and would not be on the road to recovery from all my hardships. I thank Autumn and Beachbody everyday, but I also thank myself for finally believing that I am worthy enough to dedicate the time to and to be healthy and strong! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon It doesn't come I said in my last blog this path I'm on now has been a long time coming. I'm not looking back, I will be pushing forward and onto a better life for me and my family. My past no longer has any control over me and my future is all that matters.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMC120
    I've missed you and am so glad I came on here to check on you!!! You are such a strong and courageous woman! Thank you for sharing your story! Oh and that Autumn chic DON'T PLAY!!!! Mmmmmmuah!!! So PROUD of you!!!
    1093 days ago
    1307 days ago
  • KANOE10
    You have overcome so many hardships and have succeeded in finding happiness. I am sorry for all of your pain in your past. You are very strong and now have a wonderful positive life with a healthy future. emoticon
    1307 days ago
    Wow that is a lot to deal with. One, I'm glad your sharing your story with your daughter helped her! And two, I'm glad you are with someone who treats you right and loves/supports you. And last but not least, I'm also happy for you that you have found strength in yourself and casted your demons out!

    I honestly had no idea, and couldn't fathom this, because all the pictures you post... I see such a confident and happy woman! I bet it feels good to share your story, and you are so brave for doing so!
    1308 days ago
    This deeply personal story is truly inspiring. I grew up in a similiar situation, and sometimes standing up on your own two feet and declaring that you know you are enough is hard. I'm glad you made that step and are here now to inspire others.

    BTW, I added you as a SparkFriend. Feel free to add me too and keep in touch.
    1308 days ago
    Overcoming all that you did is amazing. Giving yourself permission to feel worthy is a great accomplishment. You were always worthy and always will be worthy. Thank you for being brave and posting your story.
    1308 days ago
    1308 days ago
    How brave of you to share your story with us. You are incredible strong!
    1308 days ago
    1308 days ago
    your are so incredibly brave to post this. It's so inspiring to see that you have pushed through the terrible past you have and are making a bright future. You are awesome!!
    1308 days ago
    You are so brave to post this. I'm proud of you for opening up your life and moving forward as a savivor not a victim. I'm also on the 21 day fix. Have to say not doing to well. I started at 168 and went down to 164 now back to 168.
    1308 days ago
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