GRANDEFILLE
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feeling good about myself

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

It's wednesday 10am and I am at work (yeah using a bit of company time to blog... emoticon )

This week has started well with the 7.6 pounds loss. It has been a great week also because it is my last before my 2 weeks home on vacation with no school and no work! ... mmmm wondering what I will do... Am I able to do nothing after all that I have done this year?

I tend to look at my success in life with very narrow vision. If I am on a weight loss journey like I am right now, I tend to feel successfull only if the weight loss is going well. I have always been like that.
I also tend to be an all or nothing kind of person. when I do, I don't just do. I over do!

This year, I have learned to look at all my successes. I am proud to say that I have managed to work on a software development project at work, go back to school, emotionnaly survive the losses we had and lose 25 pounds. Ok so maybe Ken was right to call me an overachiever. But at least now I can own it. I can accept that fact without feeling guilty or having the impression I am putting people down with my successes. I have lost one Spark friend on the account that my life was going to well for her. That was painfull.

When I think about it, it has always been like that. Me being good or successfull at something has always been something I couldn't really share because it would apparently hurt someone.

I am done with that! My life is not paradise. Over the last 7 years, I have lost one of my sister, my mother and my father. I have had breast cancer wich needed surgery and radiation therapy. We also had to put down our beautifull Sasha when her kidneys stopped. I had to support my husband when he lost his mom even thoght my fater died about a month later.

I am pretty sure that if I wanted to I could find tons of other things that didn't go well in that period.

But see, I chose to focus on the good. I chose to see that I am performing at school despite my age, my work, and my family life. That I can work hard and lose the weight I want to lose. That I have found a husband that is good to me, understands me and supports me in all that I do.

I WILL NOT be responsible for the unhappiness of others! I have never, in my life, tried to make other people miserable! Why should my apparent happiness make anyone unhappy?

So here it is. From now on, I will be proud of what I achieve and I will not let the opinion of others turn my successes into anything negative! Avoid me if you find me annoying!

But I am getting off track here.....

Yesterday I started running again. With my daughter we decided to restart the 5K Your Way Rookie Running Training Program. The same program that had started me running a few years ago. Instead of doing week 1, we decided to start with week 2 (3 min walking, 2 min jogging) 5 times. I was a bit scared. not knowing if I'd be able to jogg 2 minutes straight. I remembered the first time I did this program and thought I would die halfway in my first minute of jogging. But I figured that the worst that could happen is that I would not be able to complete the 2 minutes and that wouldn't be a disaster.

I had programmed the app on my phone to warn us every time we'd have to change from walking to jogging and so on. So we walked 3 minutes then the buzzer went off and we started jogging. When it rang again, I thought I had started the wrong week. I told Sara : "Impossible, we haven't been jogging for 2 minutes. I must have made a mistake." But I was wrong, it was week 2, we had been jogging for a full 2 minutes! I felt great!

Each set we did I was jogging slower and slower. Sign that it had been a while since I jogged any distance.

I was forgetting : Yesterday I tried my college coat from 1980-81 computer science program. For the first time in years I was able to put my arms in it. I was almost able to do some of the front snaps! woohoo can't wait to really fit in it!

Enough for today. That was really longer than what I first intended.

I want to take time to give special thanks to my favorite Sparkfriends who have been reading and supporting me for years now.

King Slayer (my brother from other parents)
JuliaMoonChild (my sister from still other parents!!)
Doveseyes (who has been a faithfull reader and supporter)
...and all the others who have read me over time.

I thank you all for you are a big part of my successes!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KING_SLAYER
    Thanks for the mention sis :) I think you're great, I think you do too much and you make me tired just reading about all of the things you accomplish, year in and year out. I know it has been rough for you the last few years, but you have some incredible resolve and you keep charging forward. I admire that greatly about you :)

    I too have lost a few Spark friends, never heard from them why the unfriended me though. Doesn't really matter to at this point, if someone doesn't like me, they shouldn't waste their time on me!
    1044 days ago
  • DOVESEYES
    It was very kind of you to mention me...sniff...it's been a hard week family wise and its nice to know I can encourage you.

    You are an amazing woman and a great treasure to follow as you 'walk the walk'. I love how you just go for things and achieve because you do.

    Congrats on all your achievements, I'm so sorry you lost one of your SP friends. We all need to work on our reasons for being overweight and work through our fears and phobias. I hope he/she can find his/her abilities within and can 'shine' like you do.

    High five!!!
    Oops computer so slow I've redone my comment. Apologies
    1045 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/12/2015 8:38:24 PM
  • DOVESEYES
    It was very kind of you to mention me...sniff...it's been a hard week family wise and its nice to know I can encourage you.

    You are an amazing woman and a great treasure to follow as you 'walk the walk'. I love how you just go for things and achieve because you do.

    Congrats on all your achievements, I'm so sorry you lost one of your SP friends. We all need to work on our reasons for being overweight and work through our fears and phobias. I hope he/she can find his/her abilities within and can 'shine' like you do.

    High five!!!
    1045 days ago
  • JULIAMOONCHILD
    It is fantastic that you and daughter are restarting the 5K Your Way Rookie Running Training Program. I love it! Just wish I was there to train with you guys. What FUN .... even though I would definitely be lagging behind! emoticon
    I did train some years back for a 5K but there is no way on God's Green Earth I could start right back up at the level 2 mark that you just did. Lol, In fact, I seriously doubt that I could restart at MINUS level 1. emoticon
    Truth be told, it has been nearly a year since I did any kind of exercise for the pure sake of exercise - although I do keep busy here. Still, day-to-day being "busy' - even being very physically BUSY - is just not the same thing as going out an INTENTIONALLY exercising. Good grief, I MUST get back into some form of deliberate exercise and plan on doing so the minute we get done with our hay fields. That is what I am doing all weekend - helping put up hay. YUCK!

    Yes, you have gone through a tremendous amount of emotional stress and, yet, have held up through it all - as best you could - and better than anyone I know who might have suffered these same things. I commend you, my dearest friend, and am truly inspired by your actions and your resolve to not allow life's obstacles to deter your ambitions.

    Your successes have obviously come about through personal sheer will and undaunted determination - not by some form of luck or because your life was untouched by pain and tribulation. In fact, as you point out here, it has been quite the opposite. And while I can truly appreciate the pain of losing someone we had considered a friend, it is perhaps liberating to not have a relationship with someone who cannot simply allow you to be you without feeling inferior because of your achievements. Goodness, I think of you as totally BRILLIANT .... and if I compared myself to your brilliance I couldn't light up a small closet emoticon
    But don't we all have our own gifts?
    Well, LOL, I like to at least pretend that I have a few.

    Anyway, I love ya to pieces and I love every success that you have. WHY?
    Because your successes inspire me to get off my lazy arse and start trying to achieve some success of my own! emoticon

    Ohhhhh, and emoticon emoticon emoticon for the honorable mention! You just made my day!!! Seriously, you really made my day!!! emoticon
    1045 days ago
  • 1HAPPYSPIRIT
    Congrats on the weight loss!!!
    1045 days ago
  • 1HOTFUDGEMAMA
    hope ur boss doesn't have spyware, my friend lost his job cuz they could see his every keystroke. Obviously he wasn't working. But he didn't really like that job anyway.
    1045 days ago
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