Open Your Eyes!
Sunday, July 19, 2015
For the last ten years I have let my weight shame me into believing that I had no hope! I wouldn't let myself do anything to improve because I was afraid of being ridiculed for trying. That all changed in June when I purchased a groupon coupon for a gym membership for my husband and myself for Father's Day. I decided I wanted to get healthy more than I feared being laughed at.
For the last 4 weeks we have been going to the gym for four days a week. I was committed to making a change and I decided I was going to do it and I would just close my eyes and ignore all of those size 0 bodies working out beside me (seriously, Filipinas are small, a size 8 is considered a plus size).
During our first week, they gave me a free personal trainer. He listened to my goals and helped me to establish a fitness plan. After the first week, he gave me a huge discount so that I could afford to continue working out with him. I couldn't believe that he didn't actually laugh me out of the gym. I would see others doing so much more, but I just closed my eyes and kept working.
This Tuesday as my trainer and I were working out, he asked me why I always closed my eyes and never watched myself training. I laughed and told him, "I do not want to look at a morbidly obese woman trying to workout and looking like a fool." He made me stop what I was doing (chest presses) and look at him. He very sternly said, "I want you to open your eyes and see what I see and everyone else at this gym sees. A woman who is fighting to make a change. A woman who wants to be healthy and is determined to do it at all odds. A woman who is working hard to reach her goals. You have been blessed with a healthy body. You need to open your eyes and look and see the muscles that are working for you. See the sweat and the efforts of your work! If you can't see it and believe in yourself, you will fail."
These words touched my heart! It isn't easy to put yourself in such a vulnerable position. In the four weeks of going to the gym, I have been my worst critic. I have been the one laughing at me. Not one person has stared, made a rude comment or made me feel ridiculous. I have done all of that to myself.
Well, enough is enough! I am not going to that gym and exerting that much effort to keep my eyes closed! I am committed to doing what it takes to succeed. This week I am going to open my eyes and see my work. I am going to see a woman who is going to get healthy. I am going to see the body I have been blessed with, working to its fullest potential to get stronger and healthier. From now on, I WILL SEE!