I feel bummed today
Saturday, July 18, 2015
I'm really down today and I'm putting it in writing to see if it makes me feel better. Also I'm trying really hard to keep track of how my moods affect my efforts to lose weight.
I made a mistake at work. What bothers me is how it affects other people. It happens from time to time but it always bums me out especially because my mistakes are in print for thousands of people to read. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't had another error earlier this week. I'm frustrated with myself.
My personal life is getting me down too. I talked to my ex (we broke up last summer) a lot this week and it inevitably makes me feel like s**t. I've watched him descend into a pain pill/heroin addiction in the last year. There is NOTHING I can do but watch.
Today is his birthday and he's angry and bitter about living. That makes me sad but also angry. I'm sick to death of his misery. He's not verbally or physically abusive or anything like that but he's so self-absorbed. He just takes, takes, takes emotionally and never gives. One thing about addicts is they never take responsibility for their own lives. They blame everything and everyone. Always the victim!
So infuriating but I never fight with him about this. It's not my job to save him. There's nothing I can say to him he hasn't already said to himself. He will not get better until he wants to get better. I just work continuously to keep healthy boundaries in place. The only way I can do that is to limit contact.
So here I go to the gym. Going to try to let this go and make a commitment to stay focused on me and my emotional well being next week.