Thursday, June 07, 2007
There was a thread on a message board that piqued my interest and really made me think.
I don't like being labeled as "emotionally unhealthy" when I don't think I'm doing anything unreasonable, but that is the idea behind "you have to forgive those who wrong you, to truly move on and heal."
I never really focused on that ambiguity, or analyzed the conflict between the standard wisdom and how I feel.
So this thread really made me think:
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Here are my ideas:
I think "forgiveness" means different things to different people, and that's a big reason why we feel or react differently to the idea of forgiving someone.
I also strongly balk at the idea that I must "forgive" in order to get "better"; but that is because of how I define what forgiveness means. To me, forgiveness must include the other person's involvement, including their accepting responsibility and offering regret, for a start. It's an exchange and a healing process.
The process that happens when I work to let go of that THING, that whatever it is inside me that gives power to the other person by my holding onto the hurt and the agony of what happened, that isn't what I'd call "forgiveness," and therein is the difference.