The blog I wrote earlier mentioned the plans for this blog... to introduce the Jaime I was before depression to emphasize how the disease changes and affects us. Well here is how depression changed me.
I LOVED MY FRIENDS.
Hanging out and talking, laughing and being ourselves. It was the BEST! Back then, I even had a lot of friends. Depression caused me to lose interest in hanging out and texting, and only a short few stuck around due to my lack of trying. I can't say I blame them the ones who left, but because of them, I appreciate the ones who stuck around so much more.
I CARED FOR MY BODY.
I exercised on a regular basis and ate healthy just about every singe day. Fast food even disgusted me because I never consumed it. And best of all, I did workouts that I loved, like walking and dancing! The picture below depicts me at my happiest weight. Depression made me lazy, and the exhaustion included made it hard to workout at times when I was feeling motivated. And now I am bigger than ever.
I DID SCHOOL THE HARD WAY… the RIGHT way.
I read and outlined every chapter; I set ample amounts of time aside to study. There was NO Googling answers like many others do, and I was the best at my classes. When I got depressed, I stopped being able to concentrate, and ultimately stopped working so hard to be entirely ethical. Worst of all, when I did try to read, I hardly remember anything about it shortly after.
I WROTE LIKE A PRO, AND LOVED IT.
In my journal, in the school newspaper, through blogs, and essays. I was the best at writing. You could find few (if any) grammatical errors, and my vocabulary was on point! Depression made me forget simple grammatical rules (thank goodness for auto-correct), and my shrinking memory decreased my vocabulary abilities.
I HAD THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS!
I was happy in any relationship I was in (when depression wasn't in the way), and I was also FUN. With my childlike sense of humor, there was nothing that we couldn't do that I couldn't make fun. I tried relatively hard to make my partner feel loved and happy; and I was constantly doing (and making) things to show how much I loved him. Depression changed my entire personality, and destroys every relationship I get into. I regretted one break up so much for 2 years, and I know that this one would be much worse if I lost it.
MY HOUSE WAS ALWAYS CLEAN, AND I WAS WELL ORGANIZED.
I wasn't necessarily compulsive, but I did regularly keep my house clean and tidy to feel a sense of accomplishment. Nothing was ever out of place, and I never felt disgusted being in my own home. Depression distorted my view from what was "clean" and what was dirty.
There are, of course, a few other aspects that depression has changed, but I think my point has been made. Depression attacks some of the most amazing people, and turn them in a different direction. It's been a hard journey with depression, but finding myself again as I'm getting better is probably the hardest task of all.