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Meeting my old self

Sunday, July 12, 2015

I saw myself in someone else today. So funny how Zumba has taught me so much lately. I went to an early class with some friends. I've never been to this class before and it's supposed to be harder than the regular class that I do with this same instructor. We had already started class when in walks a girl that reminded me of me, back when I was depressed, shy and highly over self conscious. Don't get me wrong I am still in some level of it, but not like what I used to be, not the level that this girl is. I couldn't help myself in comparing myself to her. She was wearing black, all black clothes. I used to do that and sometimes still do because I have a lot of black clothes. She was extremely withdrawn, would not make eye contact with anyone, she didn't talk to anyone or smile. She hardly even did the moves, I guess she was shy to dance in front of all of us. And my God, I was her few years ago!

After seeing her I have seen how much of a transformation I have done on myself. Yes, I might not notice it, others might not have noticed it, but I have come a long, long way. I am more outgoing, more talkative, I dress differently, I react to certain situations differently, I put my all in my workouts even when I feel the eyes of the world looking at me. I want to be different, and do things differently. I know that being highly over weight has hampered my ability to enjoy life, and I am still over weight, but the pounds I have lost have help me loose some of shyness. I could care less what the others girls in Zumba think about the way I move. I don't care that the cute guy at the park sees the sweaty mess I am when walking my six miles. I really gotten to the point where I don't care. I know why I do it, and that's more than enough!

I felt so bad for this girl, and really I've been to other Zumba classes where everyone is a lot more nicer than this one. While I am sure we all saw how awkward she felt there, no one offered her a word of encouragement or even a smile. So after class I stroked a conversation with her and told her she did great and encouraged her to keep coming that she will feel like a pro with a couple more classes. She actually smiled and introduced herself, therefore I introduced her to my friends who thought I had known the girl for a while by the way I was talking to her. You see, the past me would have never dared to talk to a stranger. I would not have had the guts to just walk up to someone and start talking, this took them and me by surprise. I really hope she felt compelled to come again and I hope she doesn't think we are all stuck up know it all after this.

So yes, I might be here to lose weight, get fit, fit in a certain size jean you name it… but this shows me that there is another part of me that has had benefited out of all of this. I have actually made one new friend along the way in my other Zumba class, I have encouraged two of my friends to eating healthy and working out, I feel less depress, I have more courage to get out there, I have the guts to encourage others. I really hope this lays the foundation for someone new in me. I am so happy right now.
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