Tough and emotional week
Friday, July 10, 2015
This week has been pretty tough emotionally. Had a fight with my bf and he let out a lot of stuff that he had been withholding, some of which he had repeatedly lied to me about which was a big shock and quite hurtful for me.
I know I am not perfect, and I know that by nature I am a very upfront and open person, so having that happen with someone I want to have a future with was difficult for me to deal with. It also brought into questions the other things he spoke to me about, since I couldn't tell anymore if he was being honest or giving me half-truths. Like it said in 'Of Mice and Men', half-truths are also half-lies, and he didn't want to acknowledge he'd been misleading me at all. It was also very hard to actually talk to one another, and he wouldn't open up.
I don't compartmentalise well. When things upset me, especially with people I care about, it is diffcult for me to get a hold on myself. I can still work and do my job etc., but when I am so far down, I don't even have the will to eat.
I wasn't hungry so I made sure I drank a lot of water at least. We've talked since then and resolved some of the issues. I was blessed that several people were here to support me, my family and friends with advice and prayers.
Even when I handed in my notice for my other job, I had a really good chat with my manager. It all really helped me to put things into perspective and give me some hope.
No one but me is responsible for my happiness, and no one else can validate my existance except for the Lord who made me. I haven't given up on our relationship, but I have taken ownership for my own feelings and expectations and if I know I am ready to go then I will, but I need to be at that point. Things are looking up somewhat, anyway.
For weightloss, not really eating has put me down to 71.6kgs and I tried to make sure I was doing some exercise too. I didn't make it every night, but I got some in and it did help my mood. So at least I have been mostly staying on track.
Thank you to everyone who left me positive messages here on Sparks, you guys are amazing (: I hope everyone is taking care of themselves and that have had a fantastic week.
Much love, and blessings for you all.