Time to be a big girl...
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
It has been nearly a month since I wrote my last blog post and needless to say, A LOT has changed in my life. I am officially two weeks into my new life as a single mother which is something I never thought I would say.
You always think when you marry someone that it means forever. Well, that's not always the case. Sometimes as you begin to change and grow as a person, the people around you turn out to be different than you always thought. You'd never expect that the biggest one would be your own husband.
I began dating the man I would later marry when I was only 16 years old. At 18 we were married and at 20 welcoming our first child.
I have literally spent my entire adult life with the same person. I endured things most woman would never put up with and turned the blind eye because I didn't know any better. I allowed myself to become a turtle trapped inside it's shell, screaming when no one else could hear.
Several months ago I decided that even though I couldn't control anything else in my life, I could do something about my body. I decided it was time for me to love myself. What I didn't know was that by allowing myself to love me, it would cause me to finally open my eyes to the picture that was my life.
I realized that I deserved more than what I was getting. I realized I was worth something. Unfortunately, that realization was not well received. And after a whirlwind of events here I sit on my own.
Some people might say this sounds terrible, but I honestly feel nothing. Divorce papers didn't make me cry. Sleeping alone at night hasn't killed me. I have realized that nothing has changed in the parenting department, because in reality, I guess I've been a single parent all along, I just refused to accept the signs.
I am learning who I am and who I can become and honestly, I love it. I feel like so much weight and pressure is gone from my life. That doesn't mean it's going to easy because I know it won't but it's a challenge I am ready and willing to accept 100%.
I refuse to allow this to derail what I've worked so hard for even though I've had to make some adjustments to my process. I am only 17lbs from my 100lb goal and the fire in me is burning stronger than ever to meet the woman I want to be.
Here's to me.