So recently, I've been feeling like I'm not giving everything I have. That I'm getting by. That I'm sort of kind of mostly paying attention to food, usually getting in exercise. Just not on top of my game (... as if I had "a game"...)
Anyhow. And this coupled with some glances in shopping mirrors (aside: our bathroom mirror only shows me shoulders up, we have one full length on the coat closet bottom of the stairs, but I don't stop in front of that one). And then out with a friend the other evening, she was taking selfies of us. I thought, wow there is my cute friend, and the middle-aged looking pasty frump that she's with.
So, there's that. Clothes aren't feeling loose like I would like them to. Up-sized a workout shirt I ordered online (... the XL felt too fitted)... and I know it's just work in, results out. I get that. And if I'm not happy with the results, I need to switch up the input.
This morning I made myself breakfast (yay undoing a bad habit of being led by appetite and surroundings!)... so as h'band was cooking up pancakes and bacon, I made myself 2 eggs, scrambled them, and two slices pumpernickel in the toaster. Put some cream cheese on top (sparingly). And as I brought my dish back into the kitchen, I said, "Damnit, I'm still hungry. But, I guess that's how it goes. Either fat and satisfied, or thin and hungry."
To which, my h'band replies..... wait for it.....
"Honey, you are NOT fat. You're thick."
Then adds, "and hot."
But this is what I keep telling myself over and over... my mantra. When I'm stumbling through kids' toys all of the floor, digging through cleaned laundry looking for socks, cleaning up from the toddler who dumped her food, or my son who broke (insert anything), or my oldest daughter who knocked her glass of milk over at the table, nevermind the baby who is a mess MACHINE people...
Better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Pick up the food and remind the toddler, scoot her chair closer to the table. Let my husband's ill-timed and thoughtless comment run down the river of the past, and look up an exercise video. Help my son fix whatever he broke and explain to him that we want to CREATE, not DESTROY. Give my daughter the paper towels to clean up her milk, and ask her to tell me again about her Harry Potter book. Cuddle the baby in her banana-faced mess and wipe her up with love, remembering not everyone has that blessing.
Better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Amen.