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Keep Going - Day 3

Thursday, June 04, 2015

Yesterday after work was pretty exhausting. My boyfriend also had a bad reaction to pre-workout and didn't get much sleep the night before. So as I'm struggling to keep awake, he wanted to "relax" for a few minutes. I laid with him for a while per his request, and was a little frustrated when he closed his eyes and fell asleep. I almost wanted to get angry; tell him I'm already struggling so much and that if I went to sleep it will just take control over me all over again. But it wasn't his fault, and I had to understand that he has his own wants and needs too. So instead of letting it get to me and becoming angry at him for no reason, I left him alone for a nap, and went out for a walk.

It wasn't the best walk I've ever had. My body sort of felt stiff for some reason and I wasn't happy about the looks people gave me due to my wearing a tank top. I'm obese, have fatty arms, and I'm wearing a tank top... I'm sorry it hurt your eyes so much to look at me.

Anyway, but I did it, and although still frustrated, I felt a bit more awake afterwards. I was mighty hungry but wasn't craving chicken, so I made a bowl of low calorie grits (which filled and satisfied me!) I watched the new episode of one of my favorite shows and went to bed.

This morning I felt much better. No stimulants, just re freshness that I haven't felt for a few weeks now. Months even! Don't get me wrong, I'm still a bit on the sleepy side and could definitely go for a nap, but I feel like doing things, and that made me productive. So far today I've had my Shakeology which I'm surprisingly enjoying the taste of now, got many things done at work (just because I can), and getting ready to prepare lunch. I'm still not craving chicken, so I decided that I'm going to make grits with some eggs and cheese, almost like a scrambler! Those who know of and enjoy grits... how delicious does that sound?!

Gym is on my schedule for later, and if nothing else, I'll take a walk like yesterday. I know today is just one day of feeling good, when I've had many many horrible ones that I had to toughen up through. But you know what? This one good day is bringing a feeling I've also haven't felt in a long time... hope. And hope is one of the most precious feelings I can have right now.

Let's keep jumping hurdles, my friends.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This was so nice to read. I think you have a real good understanding of what is goign on with your body and your life. Screw the idiots that looked odd at you. They may not have been even looking at you because of your insecurities. I see a pretty girl and if you walked down the street by me I would look at you admiringly!
    1999 days ago
    Underweight = at most 18.5
    Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
    Overweight = 25–29.9
    Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

    If you're 5"2, your current weight tracker shows 161 - so you're 29bmi which is just overweight, you're not obese. A lot of people have thick biceps, they're not something we focus on, it's the rest of our bodies more-so. And it's better to have a little fluff in the tummy than have nothing there. You sure you're not letting a low self-esteem prevent you from recognizing jealousy in the eyes of others? I get looks from bigger people sitting on their porches or in stores because of what I'm wearing and I walk fast- I feel judged around thinner people, but all I see is envy in the heavier people.

    As for the feeling better, when you feel terrible, just take a walk around the block or in a short range of neighborhood. If anything, for the sun and the air if not to let your mind wander away from stress and as it's a good exercise that'll make your health and mental health better as you continue to do so.

    Being a Vegetarian or a Vegan isn't bad, either, but make sure you're getting some kind of meat in your system - but I do recommend keeping from red meat because it stays in your system before a few months.

    Glad to see today is a good day and hopefully a step towards even better days =]
    2002 days ago
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