Wednesday, June 03, 2015
As I mentioned in my previous blog, I did not raise my voice, or even cry, when the incident with my son's girlfriend occurred. Since then I have also had to deal with my son being verbally abusive. Again, I did not raise my voice and cried very little after he left - just little bits on and off. I always feel guilty for crying in front of others.
Today I think I am suffering the effects of not dealing with my grief and the emotional trauma I have been dealing with for a long time.
On my way to work the vision suddenly blurred in my left eye. I got to work and was told that half my desk was being removed to make room for a new (temporary) employee. Then I got an email from my boss telling me that he wants me to keep applying for a grant (which we were denied) until it is accepted. This amounts to hundreds of extra hours of work on my part.
I tried to just start working and ignore the chaos around me but my blurred vision was making it extremely difficult to see the computer screen. Finally I just started crying silent tears. I realized if I didn't leave I had the potential to become hysterical. I drove home and just started crying. I cried for at least half an hour. I'm still a little weepy and hoping I will be able to deal with work tomorrow. My eye is considerably better, so I'm thinking that may have been stress related as well.
I'm so sorry I've been such a downer on Spark lately.