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Trying to Heal Myself - Day 1

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Many of you might have read my blog "I Don't Want to Die." In it I describe my issues with life, and how I'm getting too tired to hang on. Here is kind of an update.

I have yet to hear about my ability to have TMS treatments to help with my depression... the doctor who will be providing the procedures is still waiting for the insurance company to approve. And unfortunately for me, there is no rushing an insurance company.

In the meantime, I've been stuck and lost. My blood results came back normal, which means there is still no physical explanation on why I'm this incredibly tired. I also mentioned in my last blog that I've tried many natural treatments, only for them to fail. Well, I'm trying again. Because in the end, what else do I have to lose? I'm struggling regardless.

I labeled this Day 1 of trying to heal myself. My plan for today was to wake up, drink water first thing, and proceed with a healthy diet. I'm on cup 4 right now of water, but there are many hours left in my day. For breakfast I started back with my Shakeology shakes, which supposedly replaces a multi-vitamin. Which is kind of good because for some reason, my body loves rejecting those vitamins, but it can handle the shakes.

For lunch I'm currently eating a lighter version of potato soup that a family member made me since I'm doing through such a difficult time, and I'm so thankful. I've also accomplished getting a lot of things done at work that I've previously held off on (mostly because I had no choice but to do them today).

Also on the list for my day is to try to be more social on facebook (Check!), check in with my friends (Check!), tell my boyfriend and my family how much they mean to me (Check!), and tell myself in the mirror how many good qualities that I have (I'm still working on it.) After work I plan to cook a healthy dinner (chicken, 1/2 cup cooked rice, and green beans), and make a date with the gym. Hopefully I make it that far without laying down.

I'm still exhausted, and I'm still miserable. This kind of thing takes time, I know, but I was hoping I'd feel a little better from at least the well nourished food and water consumption alone. Not to worry though, I'm still working on it! That's why today is Day 1, and not just a blog about trying to heal myself all in one day.

I thank everyone helping me through this journey and I hope everyone has a good day of jumping those hurdles that we all surely face.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This was so enjoyable to read. I can hear the struggle in your words, but you are pushing yourself to be better regardless and that just gives me a warm feeling in my heart. Don't give up!!! You are a great person.
    1997 days ago
    I figured I'd come back and check on you since giving the advice and I'm glad you found a replacement for multivitamins! Unfortunately, a lot of people can have a bad reaction to them or the container gives too much of vitamins that your body already produces enough of. Today is a start and just like with exercising for much bigger people - it's hated. For us we feel sore and hating our body and realizing how badly shaped and abled we are and we want results faster - but it doesn't work like that....

    After the first week, hopefully you will see some improvement; Try bed exercising/laying exercises because exercise does give more energy over time. Best of luck - off to your second day now lol
    2001 days ago
    Sometimes a short walk outside might make you feel better.
    2002 days ago
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