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Do I want this bad enough?

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Earlier today as I was doing housework my mind started to wander (because whose mind doesn't wander when doing housework?) and I began thinking about why I am at such a standstill. And I wondered if -- for whatever reason -- I don't want this as badly as I thought I did. As with anything, we prioritize whatever is most important to us.

In 2007/2008 when i was successful at this weight-loss thing, I was all "Don't Stop Me Now!" I diligently tracked portions and calories, I paid attention to what I was eating, I cut out a lot of crappy food, I worked out. In short... I worked hard. Weight loss and healthy living were priorities in my life. I don't know why and exactly when this changed.

Here's a little story that shows how out of whack my priorities currently are. This morning I went to the gym with my family (good, right?). After we left the gym, the plan was to head to the grocery store. We were en route to the store when the kids said they were hungry. Well, it *was* lunchtime so we went to BW3 (ugh!!!) for lunch. I *could* have ordered a salad instead of wings. Or said "no" to ordering potato wedges. Instead, I effectively killed whatever calorie deficit I had from going to the gym. And for what? To feel gross and full the rest of the day? To slow down my progress even more?

There are many such scenarios. Typing this out makes me realize even more how ridiculous this is. I mean, I have good intentions, but intentions are meaningless without action and diligence to support them.

Do I want chicken wings or do I want to lose weight? Do I want another glass of wine, or to fit comfortably into my clothes again?? Do I want to sit on the couch at the end of the day with an ice cream bar, or do I want to be fit and healthy and strong? Do I want another cookie, or to look good in photos with my family?

For some reason, I have been making the wrong choices. I know they are wrong, but I make them anyway. Good intentions? Pfffft.
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