Grieving and loss
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
I never understood how unbelievably strong the heart truly is. It goes through so much on a daily basis, sometimes I wonder how it continues to function.
I've had my heart swell with happiness. The times when it feels like it is going to burst out of my chest and leave me lying there among the leaves in sheer joy.
I've had my heart ache for the love or loss of someone I care about. The hearts ability to empathize with others is such a testament to our human nature and ability to issue compassion and empathy.
I've had my heart race. Like it is about to flutter out of my chest for a number of reasons. Feeling the rush of an active beating heart reminds me daily that I am alive. I'm truly alive.
I've had my heart broken into so many pieces that the pain of trying to pull it back together seems impossible. But it does, it recovers and it repairs.
Yesterday, I lost a great man. A man who was the closest thing I ever had to a grandfather in my life and let me tell you, he was a special man. I consider myself one of the luckiest girls in the world to have had him love me the way he did and accept me like one of his own. His smile and his laugh could light up a room. His kind temperament and sweet disposition made him lovable beyond measure. My heart is feeling every ounce of heartache having lost him to cancer last night. I find solace in knowing that he is no longer suffering, but it doesnt hurt any less knowing that he is physically gone. Now, my heart plays the role of a historian. Gently reminding me day after day that this special man is still in my world, still with me, still watching over me.
The heart is an amazing thing. The many things that can happen to it and yet it still beats, still pumps, and still does it's job. Such a versatile and committed organ. Never misses a beat and even in the moments when we truly believe that it could just stop and that it cannot continue to hurt the way it does, it always finds a way to continue to work---even when we don't feel like we can bare another moment.
My heart hurts. Physically hurts in my chest. But it is there, reminding me day after day, minute upon minute that I am alive. And I know, it will all be okay, it will just take time....
Peace and love, and heartfelt tears.