I started working a few weeks ago at executive services at Safelite. I am the person who takes all of the escalated calls about warranty and legal. Hahaha. It sounds a lot worse than it is.... it basically consists of calming people down, fixing problems, and spending money on the company's behalf -- Things I am good at! It's an honest company, not looking to rip anyone off, so although there may be an enraged customer or two, I am confident in my ability to handle them and bring them down a notch. It pays well, and I'm just super grateful to have the economic stability after a really rough year. I love a bunch of my coworkers, and managers -- they are all fabulous people! -- and everyone treats each other like a big family :). Best of all, they're going to work around my school, so no worries there at all while I finish my degree.
Does this mean I actually have my life on track? Why yes, I believe it does. I am officially an adult now. Evidence: people keep calling me "ma'am" everywhere I go. Haha. Little do they know. ;)
Anyway.. crossfit wasn't for me. It was great to have someone pushing me, but limited, and I missed my gym (I could only afford one or the other, and crossfit being $147 per month was kind of a ridiculously large chunk of my budget). MY OLD GYM (as anyone who has read my old posts will know) is really lovely and has the pools, sauna, and steam room that I miss dearly. It also offers tons of classes, and it employs personal trainers... EVEN IF I paid monthly dues and had 2 personal training sessions per week there, It will still be cheaper than crossfit, PLUS I can still swim after a long day of work, PLUS I can take yoga and tai chi classes, and I can take the intermediate/advanced circuit training and lifting classes when I feel up to them, and maybe even dance or pilates, and so much more.... So yeah, I've ditched crossfit in favor of my old gym, and I do not regret the decision. Not one bit. I'm feeling a lot more social than I have in a long time, and I am going to actually take advantage of all of these classes instead of being a total loner, haha. But really? The best part about this gym is that it is the least intimidating gym ever, barely anyone there in the evenings, and most of the clientele are older since it's associated with the hospital next door -- the cleanest, nicest facility full of friendly people, what's not to love? Why not take advantage of it? It's $86 per month, which is a lot more than a 24 hour fitness or something similar, but I think it's definitely worth it, especially if I am going 6 days per week and really getting my money's worth (the best thing is when I happen to be the only one in the pool and I can just relax completely and meditate my cares away. Nothing better!)
(My new swimsuiiiiit)
Now that I have finished training at work, I will be on a set schedule, working 12 hours mon, wed, and fri, and 4 on saturday. Tue and Thu off, but class in the evenings.. Sunday is rest day.
I am looking through the class listings at my gym to figure out which ones to start with. Water yoga? Mmmm. Maybe. So many choices. I'm going to blog about it again when I finally figure it out.
I feel like I have unlimited willpower and energy at the moment, and I intend to apply that to my fitness and weight loss efforts. My whole life I've struggled with mental health and feeling at home in society, and spirituality has helped me much more than any medication ever could. I had so much stress and negative/black and white thinking, so much self-shame, but I'm working on it and making huge amounts of progress.... and I feel like now that I'm on a schedule and on a roll in my life, with support from good friends and my therapist, breaking free from mental chains and healing, I can achieve anything I want... and I want this.
There are just so many things I want to do in life (I have a list hanging above my bed), and disciplining and nourishing my body and being better able to travel will help me immensely.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change out of shame this time: I LOVE my body now(and no, this was not an easy destination to arrive at, but my spiritual/soul work has gotten me to this point and I am so very grateful for my body and all that it does for me) but I want to improve my health and fitness, and trim up a bit; I'm perfectly OK being big, but a curvier, healthier, sexier big is what I am after ;)
299. That has been a major goal of mine for a long time.. .and now I am etching into my mind's eye and reaching for it. I've been 300+ lb since Jr. High, and that is going to change. No pressure, no timeframe, just consistent results until I reach it. After that, I will reevaluate and set another goal. Right now I am 375-380ish (will know for sure in the morning), so that's where I'm at, and where I'm headed. But, as I've said.. this is about so much more than just weight.
The plan: Live life healthily...stick to my workout schedule (exercise 6 days, details TBA), food prep and planning and tracking and blogging, plan to lose 1+ lb per week and don't worry about how quickly I lose, as long as I am losing each week. Focus on how I FEEL rather than the weight itself. Lots of water. Lots of tea. Lots of meditation and time in nature. Keeping my apartment clean and inviting. Lots of healthy habits that have nothing to do with my weight. I am reaching for health and strength in every form - physical, mental, spiritual, and social. I know the skills, I know how to apply them, and I have the freedom and the opportunity to do so -- I have the mental resources and I have the motivation. What is there to stop me? Absolutely nothing, that's what.
Key to plan: PERFORM EVERY SINGLE ACT MINDFULLY, IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. If I'm eating, I'm eating. If I'm washing dishes, I'm washing dishes. If I'm at work, I'm at work. No more waiting to be happy, working for the weekend, wishing for the future, regretting the past, or punishing myself... I will bring happiness with me to every single act of my life. No more doing better tomorrow -- I will do the best I can in every single moment of every day -- because each day is a microcosm of my life. I will rise with the sun, give thanks for this journey, and start being awesome from my very first choice, and keep that momentum rolling 'til my head hits the pillow each night. I know I can handle the setbacks and negative emotions that arise, and I can keep myself focused through the hard times, because they always pass (and they pass much more quickly when I'm active about raising my mood and working through them). So what have I got to fear? Nothing, that's what.
ALL the pieces of my puzzle are finally coming together. Everything is coming up Jamie ;) It's not about losing weight for others' validation or approval.. it's not about losing weight for whatever upcoming event or so that I can avoid fear or shame or whatever the f*ck I used to use as motivation.. it's not about control and strict guidelines, it's just POSITIVE intent, it's about me, it's about blooming more and more into who I am and who I want to be, it's about being the creator of my experience and the master of my own destiny.
Taking before pics and measurements today. Setting my nutrition tracker for 1 lb loss per week. Here I gooooo! Life is good :)
Happy fox is happy because it's Spring and everything is possible :D