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journals…dreams….mom
ents…. whoosh…. meaning-making

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Tues 4/7/15 - yeah… twentyFIFTEEN. Wow.
I'm 56… turning 57 this year.
Getting more body aware, more integrated -- soft tissue, structure, spirit, …
And forty lbs I'd like to move off -- the better to inhabit
the better
to inhabit
open up to
me, who since infancy has held her thumb inside her hands…. grounding.
me, whose posture so habitually compresses ribs to hips… concaving the center
me, with the big big heart chakra
me, with the big antenna
My former trainer, Jenny, once told me… suggested… Maybe being lean and strong is a different kind of Power…. maybe a great trade-in for the buffer/base/weight of holding the ground so tight.

where was I? where was I?

I had all kinds of dreams last night. About early childhood. Being quite alone in the world it seemed…. without the company of the kind of parenting/family i see my friends providing their kids. Growing up in the 60s….

And W H O O S H
So many connections to the 60s
appearing now in hindsight
Living in Big Sur area… with its identity and architecture really marked by 50s60s…
with Joe's family and friends still here since the 70s….
AND ME…. with my connections to ART IDEAS …. Modernism v Minimalism Contemporary
Design…MUSIC….
btw
Go see "SEYMOUR: AN INTRODUCTION"
fabulous integration of ideas about what human experience and music and intimacy are…beyond the also very compelling portrait of this one man

I think I know that
LIFE IS
BIGGER and SMALLER
than the way I flatten it
"you can't make all the notes important"
you can't make none of the note important either
"Do you have a duty to share your talent with others?"
I don't know.

Obfuscating for so many years
I no longer know what my "talent" is.

I know when I am MOVED.
Maybe that's a good enough 'tell'.

Meanwhile…
Back at the Spark Front.
Tomorrow I'll weigh myself and see what the last week of not-so-conscious living has translated to in body mass.

i DO want to lose 40 lbs.

and I believe i want all the things and changes and growth
and simple JustDoIT Discipline
that will take me there
bringing me here
this just past April Fool….

Let's do it!
Let's fall in LIFE!

Stand up! Stand and …..


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRIAEL
    Interesting that dreams of the past surface when you are making mental progress towards change. Like a slide show showing you that you've moved on from, but not necessarily past, your history.

    Without aspirations, hopes and desires we would be empty shells. I love that you are focused on who you want to be, where you want to be but you're also able to acknowledge that you still have a way to go, that you will always hold onto a part of your former self.

    That, my friend, looks like progress to me. :)

    Weight will come and go, as it always does. It's FAR more important to be mentally and emotionally healthy before you can find that balance that enables you to keep going in the right direction.

    1167 days ago
  • AAAACK
    Balance, that's what this blog reminds me of, you talk about both sides of things, and I keep thinking about the middle ground. Growing up in the 60s and 70s there was a lot of talk about not settling for middle, equating it w/mediocre. But I think that deprived me of a lot of good grounding. I think the middle is a place of peace, creativity, and health.
    Enjoy your goal setting mindset!
    1167 days ago
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