"When the tide goes out, you can see who has been swimming with no clothes on"
So everyone I know has been going through a rough time lately. I could go into my analyses, but this is not the place for it. It's okay. A little destruction is necessary for better ways of being to manifest themselves, right?
I am definitely included in that list of people dealing with some stuff. It's been a bit up and down lately; I've dealt with some binge eating and some depression and what I can only describe as "spiritual psychosis," but I am alive and I am working towards feeling better, towards becoming stronger. This week is spring break, so I'm just having some ME time, catching up on my classes and resting, spending time in nature to heal myself and to soothe my mind.
I am down 1.5 lb from my last blog (w00t). I'm ready to dive back into Spark and really work on my physical health -- it means so much more to me now than ever before. I feel like increasing my physical stamina and self-discipline will help my mind become stronger as well.
I've joined a crossfit gym near me :) I think that the combination of group support from the gym mates and push from the trainers is just what I need right now. I met with the trainer and it all went swimmingly. I'm very excited. I told him that one of my goals was to run a 5k by the end of the year, and he is going to be taking me to the OSU track to work on running intervals :) The workout program at the gym consists of.. "Short and uber intense, CrossFit workouts combine gymnastics, sprints, plyometrics and Olympic weightlifting for an all-around kick-butt challenge."
P.S. I weigh 375 lb. Haha (but I am 6'1). That being said, I am assured that every move can be modified to accommodate my fitness level, and that I won't be pushed to injury. In fact, there are several 70 year olds working out at this location, one with quite a few back injuries which are apparently doing quite well since beginning the training. That, to me, speaks volumes about the trainers here. I had a long talk about how my health is my first priority, above fitness gains and weight loss, but ideally I would like to experience all 3. We are all on the same page, and I think this could be just the catalyst I need to stay on track and push through my weak moments.
Am I scared? Sort of. No. Not really. I mean, nervous anticipation maybe, but it's just time. It's my time. This is what I'm going to do, for my health and for my future, and I am excited.
You know, I'm never giving up. No matter how bad things get, I will always find a way to come back from it, and I will never lose hope -- and that means that, for the rest of my life, I'm going to reach for my goals. I'm a success story already, and soon my body will reflect it.
I see myself as an eternal phoenix -- and each time I rise, I'll be getting higher and higher, stronger and stronger. More and more myself.
"Your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
(^ Amazing song by an amazing artist)
P.S. - Going to a job fair on Wednesday :) Wish me luck!!!!