WILDKAT781
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Giving up

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

everyone has been asking about a picture of my "new" car - haven't taken one yet but here is a generic picture of the exact car





Ok...here goes

first of all as per my last entry - the Beck diet solution works - when you stick to it....I'm not sticking to anything right now...except maybe eating waaaaay to much every day.


I lost my log-in streak a couple of days ago and I am much more upset by it than I should be....I love all the people here but I am so tired of seeing the site and knowing that I am not doing the right things...I am such a failure that I can't even log-in right anymore

anyway - I've been getting wonderful goodies and notes an messages from everyone and I just don't have the energy to respond like I should...I am sorry for that. I am sorry that I am failing so miserably. I used to be so good at this and I am not good at anything but eating anymore.

I don't know if I am going to stick around or not....I know I need to....and I need to stay around all you wonderful people. but I feel like such a looser and not in a good way.

Sorry this is such a downer - just thought getting it all wrote down might help...I don't know. I think about others that are struggling so much more than I am and I feel like a weenie for even complaining. But I can't make myself feel better by snapping my fingers, I wish I could.

If you are taking time to read this entry - thank you very much - I have always responded individually to everyone that posts...I'm not sure I am up to that right now - it is one of the many reasons I have put off blogging for so long. but please know that I will read every single message and I am grateful for anyone that takes their time for me.


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  • no profile photo DIASTER
    Sure do hope you see that you are cared about? Believe me we all go through those slumps. Spring is almost here and it does bring new beginnings. We will be here for you when you are ready..
    2247 days ago
  • PYNETREE
    I get it- it is hard! And we have so much to lose, that it will take forever.
    But we are trying to break a lifelong habit, and we get tired, then slip onto old familiar eating patterns.

    But you have lost a good bit of weight, so, if you guit now, that lost weight will come back in a very short time, then you'll be gaining weight double time! In no-time at all, you will have surpassed you highest previous weight.
    So don't quit completely, keep some of your new healthier eating habits.
    Try small steps, get enough water, and try to just track minimally. Don't worry about getting back to everyone. The only person you owe a response to is YOURSELF! Take everything the easy way.

    You have come too far to backtrack. Do not give in. You've got this! emoticon
    2248 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4212235
    First, you are not a failure. You have hit a rough patch and being there and still going through my own rough patch, I understand totally.
    It is hard to bounce back and sometimes all we see is the negative.

    You have and are such an inspiration to me and many on this site.
    I pray that you don't leave but take the break you need to get your bearings again, and come back to us.

    You are always in our thoughts and prayers.


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    2251 days ago
  • ROSEYJO1
    Hi, i could have written your post. You expresses how I feel about myself. Keep saying today is the day, I'll start today, eat healthy today, only it never happens. I want to give up too but the more I give up the worse I feel.
    Something inside dreams of the day I can do it. I want the reality of it not just my dreams. But 1 day we will. On good days drop by Sparks and find your friends, looks like you have many. But I too withdraw when I feel like a failure. Hugs and hope you find 1 little ray of sunshine to light your way.
    2252 days ago
  • LIVINGLOVINLIFE
    Kathy.....You are not a loser!!!! I didn't know you but your blog touched me. So I went to your home page to find out more about you. How can you be a loser when you have gone from 426 to 417 and even lower per your picture. You are a winner!! You can succeed. We do this one day at a time. Sometimes 1 meal at a time. You said you were on a low carb nutritional plan, that you are a diabetic and under a doctor's care. That doesn't sound like a loser to me. I was diagnosed with diabetics and put on meds. I also use the lo carb diet plan. It isn't easy but doable. I try to keep my carbs between 50-75grams. I would love to get to know you better if you feel like it. I think you could give me pointers on lo carb meals. You said you just don't have the energy or strength to go on, that can be a hard one. I can't count the times I was so down felt like such a loser that all I wanted to do was crawl into the bed or just disappear from the world. That is such a sad hopeless place to be. The feeling of being a loser a real loser is not a good one. I don't know how I ever picked myself up but I did and you can too! I don't expect you to respond to this but if you want to I am here. Hugs dear friend. Know you are worth feeling happy and having a great life. emoticon emoticon emoticon Pat
    2252 days ago
  • MARUKI52
    I've been there on and off the last two years. I did very well when I first started but then "life" intervened and I have been struggling ever since to get back on track. For three years I am still only 7 lbs less than I was when I started on SP. Sometimes I want to chuck it all in and walk away but I'm still here, not always doing the right thing, grinding away, not giving up and hopeful that one day I will crack what really, truly, works for me. I am still searching but after three years of battle I am not about to give up just yet. I tell myself I will give it another try and I have found that Pixies short Challenges have helped me get back on track when I feel I have lost my way.

    I have often felt a failure but I don't want to give up and go back to how I was. Even the 7lbs I have lost have made a difference to me in that I can walk further without getting puffed than I used and that is an achievement in itself. So please don't give up. Give it another shot. You are not the only one who has been in the depths of despair at times but, hey, we can give it another go and who knows, this time we may be successful.

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    2253 days ago
  • EVER-HOPEFUL
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    2253 days ago
  • SEAWILLOW
    You can get back on track..start thinking positive! For me I know it is a choice that I make so I choose to make healthy choices. Maybe it's the answer for you but if it is not You need to find what works for you and WIN! You can do it!
    2253 days ago
  • DJSHIP46
    The car is great & I'm happy for you in that respect. Like so many others here, I know how you feel and I know the only person who can change that is U. I do hope you'll stop beating up on yourself (we all fail at somethings, sometimes), take a deep breath, put you shoulders back, head high and give it another try! emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • NONIE_C
    Hello! We've never met before, but I saw your blog entry and just wanted to stop by with some support. You do not need to write me back. Just know that there are many people who share your experience. You are not alone.
    2253 days ago
  • CETANISTAWI
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    2253 days ago
  • MEWHENRYSMAMA
    Wow, we really do know how you feel. I do not expect any reply! You only need to read this and let it get you thinking and sink in. You are not a loser...you are struggling and feeling powerless. But you are not powerless either! It is just a feeling! You need to start with goals you can manage, like no soda, drink water, add just ten minutes of exercise, eat more veggies/fruit, etc...and tackle one a week...do not set yourself up to fail. Write down what you eat to track it and see what's going on. Sit down with a notebook and make a list of all the things you CAN do to make changes and help yourself. Maybe you only want to weigh yourself once a month...set a goal of one pound a week, no more!
    These are successes! We are all here for you...you do not have to leave because you can't reply to us or can't get motivated...a short blog tells us what is up, we reply, you take a small step forward...And then another!
    Hugs!
    2253 days ago
  • STEPHLOKI
    Thanks for being honest & brave enough to post this! Not many are, but trust me:

    You are NOT Alone!

    How many times have I realized I am not doing the right thing anymore and I am putting myself down over it.

    Like yesterday I had gone through a tough site meeting which also was mega long. So I went and "rewarded" myself with a cup of cappuccino and a piece of cheese cake in a wonderful coffee shop that is in the same building. Then in the car on the way home I started berating myself calling myself all kinds of expletives and calling myself useless.

    Well I believe the problem is not so much the bad eating at that point, but the berating yourself for it. This pulls us (you and me) back down into the viscous cycle of low self esteem and "compensation" with food.

    So can you and I do this:
    concentrate on the good things and on achievements......

    My therapist recently advised me to write all the achievements in private life, in exercise & eating habits and in the office in a notebook. To carry the notebook with me and every time I feel like I am the mot useless twit in the world I should read a few pages and then pinch my anker point, which we connected to the feeling of being sure of myself and knowing I am somebody and I am worth something in the subconscience.

    Well I haven't started the notebook, but I have been pinching myself quite a bit and it seems to work. Ok, couldn't pinch myself while I was driving, but gave myself a pep talk and listed the small victories of the day in my mind.

    Hope this helps you, but please know you are not alone and whatever you decide to do, we are with you.
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    2253 days ago
  • IDICEM
    So sorry you are down about things. And no need to respond to me individually -- I completely understand about time limits! BUT I do urge you to stick with the struggle to build a healthier life. There are always setbacks to any undertaking; find a way to overcome them. You'll find a lot of information and inspiration here. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    Love your NEW car! That should make you feel wonderful as you get into it, and pause to take a moment as your are driving it to notice how happy you feel in it! Why not try to shift your focus from all that is wrong to what is right? Even if you can only find one thing a day, focus on that. Your brain is stuck like a broken record on all that is wrong in your life right now. Do that for a few days, and then on the 4th day, try to find 2 things good/right that happened in your day. Do that for a few days, and keep upping it by one more good thing every few days. At this point, start writing them down. Soon you will break the curse of your inner critic who's focused on all that's wrong in your life.

    Here's a link to one of my Loving Yourself blogs that I think might help you right now. It's a story about a Dragonfly.
    http://www.sparkpeople.com/my
    page_public_journal_individual.
    asp?blog_id=5465105
    You can see by all your responses here, Kat, that you are loved. I know you can find your way out of the muck you are stuck in. I believe in you!
    emoticon

    2253 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/11/2015 11:34:05 PM
  • LASSY319
    WildKat - I read your blog and I think I can say that many of us have felt the same way you do right now. You just had the guts to put it in writing. One of the things that has helped me is a book called "The Success Principles for Teens". I originally bought it when my teenagers where down and out. Then I read it - again and again. Whenever I am ready to quit, I always find something inspiring in it to recharge my battery and get me going again on the right track. Unfortunately I lent it to a friend and she hasn't returned it, or I would send it to you. I am going to purchase another copy of it for myself because it truly is the Best Book Ever!
    There are so many things you can do (and will do!) to pull yourself out of this funk. Maybe not today, because today is almost over, but tomorrow or sometime in the future. Try to write down 3 - 5 positive messages about / to yourself. EX: I am a good person. I like myself. I will walk 2 minutes today. Put these messages in prominent places and read them out loud and to yourself several times a day. If you put down I will walk for 2 minutes or whatever - then do it. When you are done add it to your message list - I walked for 2 minutes today - I did it! The more positive messages you can give yourself and affirm them - the better you will be. It will happen in small steps, but it will happen. Remember it is easy to stay within your comfort zone. Change and growth only occur when we push the limits. You know you can do it, it's just a matter or deciding when you are going to do it. I'm with you all the way. You may PM me if you want to. emoticon
    Lynda
    2253 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am so sorry that you are down. I understand how rough life can be. But please know that soooo many people care for you. Don't give up! Take each day at a time. You can do it. I know that life has a tendency to always turn around. Don't feel defeated. emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • GORDON66
    All of our struggles are personal and are relative to each individual. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person staring at you in the mirror. There is no shame in asking for help, and I'm thinking that's what your blog is really all about. We're here for you so don't go away. I would also strongly suggest you talk to your doctor, because it appears you may be dealing with depression.

    I hope you find a way to move forward. Take care.

    Leslie

    XXXOOOXX
    X
    2253 days ago
  • JAMER123
    I am going to refer you to a blog I just read before yours via your sparkmail. The reason is you will be able to click and read, no cut and paste. Please read it and see the goals that Susan has presented for her self preservation. I think you can set some like hers that will help you to want to try. We all have our issues we have to work through and they are sometimes very tough.
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    2253 days ago
  • RICKI157
    I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I don't. I am bumming right now because I gained 2 pounds. Guess we all have bad times and things that upset us. The only thing I know to say is what someone once told me 'The only time you fail is when you give up trying'.
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    2253 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    sorry to see you so down one thing I want to tell you YOU ARE NOT A LOSER so what you are a bit under your goals just keep on take it one step at a time one day at a time you do not have to reply individually but PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP
    2253 days ago
  • KING_SLAYER
    Don't worry at all about responding to my comment on this blog post. There, now there's no pressure on you to make a response!

    What I read here is you laying out your justifications for giving up to anyone who happens to read your blog post. But what I see is you trying to convince yourself to give up because you feel unworthy and inadequate. I'm pretty sure that every response will say something like "you can do it, don't give up on yourself!". The truth is that you can do it, but only if you want to do it. If you don't want keep trying, no amount of cheer leading will change your mind.

    So I won't give you the "rah, rah" speech and try to blow sunshine up your backside. Only you can decide whether or not you have it within yourself to keep trying, even if that means you keep failing. Because truly, you only fail when you stop trying.

    So you can either quit or you can grit your teeth and set an attainable goal (doesn't have to be weight related, could be walking a certain distance, or performing a certain exercise for a specific amount of time, etc.) and get to work on it. Either way, you are making a decision that could have a larger impact on your well being than you may think.

    I sincerely hope that you choose to keep trying, I truly do.


    2253 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Sweetie, I don't know what is going on in your life, but I pray that you keep the realization that you are worthy of good things, you are loved and cared about. I hope you stick around.
    2253 days ago
  • WALNUTT1961
    Your car is pretty! Thanks for sharing. Don't give up on yourself. Just try one little thing to work on - drinking your water or working in a serving of fruit. None of us are perfect and we fall off track sometimes. We aren't giving up on you!
    Praying for you. emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7773457
    So you feel you failed there is always a chance of that when ever we try to do something different. The only people that don't fail are those that don't do anything. Someone once told me the hardest person to forgive is yourself. emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    I know exactly how you feel! I, too, feel guilty for not doing what I know to be healthy for me. Please, please, don't give up! If anything, I owe you an apology for not checking in with you, encouraging you and being a better cyber friend....

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    2253 days ago
  • 4RASCALS
    First of all you are NOT a loser. Everyone has their ups & downs. I hope that you will stay. Keep taking baby steps. Focus on one small goal & when you master it, move on to the next. We are all here to support each other. I ask the angels to help you & give you guidance. I hope that you will stay. I will miss you if you leave.
    Sending you healing thoughts, prayers & hugs. we are in this together.

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    2253 days ago
  • LUCYCAN7
    No matter how many times you have to start just keep starting over and
    over and you will succeed. emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • BEAUTY_WITHIN
    We've ALL been there! Don't give up! just take it slow. You got on today! HORRAY! Good job!!! emoticon That in and of it self is a great thing :D
    2253 days ago
  • SHANTODD420
    Hugs hang in there. Take it one day at a time one step at a time. Try to focus on one thing and not to many at once. Make one habit stick then add another one. We are here to help you in any way we can.

    Shannon
    2253 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4114015
    emoticon all I can say, is DON'T give up....take it one day at a time and one foot in front of the other....you can do it!
    2253 days ago
  • CHRISINMIAMI
    Thank you for being so concerned about all of us. We have peaks and valleys. So what! I think that we beat ourselves up too much. I can't get off my butt at this present time but I am confident that I will one day soon :-). I know that you will start to eat less. One day, you will get so involved with something that you will notice that you ate less. It's coming! Faith!
    2253 days ago
  • TERI-RIFIC
    Don't give up. Just keeping on trying is a success. Start from where you are and do what you can. emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • RADOOGA
    Sorry to hear that you feel like this. Sometimes the mojo just goes away for a while...but it usually comes back too! Maybe the 'one day at a time' approach. Just for 'this' day, eat well, blog, track, whatever works for you. xx

    I do wish you luck, and I really hope you stay and make the best life for yourslef that you can x x
    2253 days ago
  • MOMS100
    Hmmm, I could've written this blog. Winter gets me down, and this has been a doozie! You and I just have to keep on keeping on. Is that a Ford Escape? I love my Escape!
    2253 days ago
  • LAFEMMEDELALUNE
    It's your decision, of course.
    There is no need to let social obligation hold you down, especially virtual social obligation....be here for you. :)

    There's a team for Beck. Maybe focusing on that (and not worrying about the other stuff) might help you do what you want to do without the stuff you don't need?

    http://www.sparkpeople
    .com/myspark/groups_individual.
    asp?gid=10071

    Most "days" of the Beck diet solution seem to have their own thread, and there's an active "Coaching Corner/Problem Solving" thread.

    Anyhoo, it's up to you, and if Spark isn't for you, that's okay.....I just don't want you to give up on you because you ARE worth it.
    emoticon
    2253 days ago
  • GRLTAZ
    Sorry to hear of your rough patch right now, but that is what it CAN BE, just a rough patch. You have the power to be awesome, to be whatever you want to be and to feel however you want to feel. Remind yourself of how great you feel when you move that beautiful body of yours and when you eat cleaner & in smaller amounts. It is just food, not a fix, and you know that as well as I.
    I have been struggling also. Feel like a darn yo-yo again but I am not quitting. To me, quitting is signing my death sentence. I know food will kill me if I let it so I continue to come here, interact, read your blogs, and participate as well as I can for this one day, or one hour, or maybe just this one minute. There are so many of us. Most of America is over weight. Think of yourself as part of the herd. Alone, you are easy pickings but with us you will survive. I lost a spark friend not too long ago and it breaks my heart but she refused to give up even though she had plenty of reasons why she could.

    I guess I am just saying we will support you no matter how you feel as long as you stay close to the herd (spark). I occasionally watch "my 600 lb life" just to remind myself of how close I was to that. I started at 324 # and I was miserable, really miserable. Pain all the time, short of breath, could not walk far, getting ill more often, started getting incontinent due to my weight of stomach on my bladder. You get the picture ? I have to remind myself all the time why I do not want that life back and why food does not fix my problems. If you are having depression, maybe it is time to see the doc. Just do not give up. You have people that care for you. (((hugs)))
    2253 days ago
  • LADYSTARWIND
    My guess is that you will have a LOT of reading to do Kathy! emoticon
    And no, you don't have to feel at all bad about not giving personal responses!! There's so much more to do than computerize your whole day away. SIgn off, go find a small creative project you want to work on, walk to the end of the block if its not snowing, and trust that Spring is truly coming!! Enjoy watching those ever present winter clouds and depression go away.... With the lengthening days will come a different sort of energy---just like the garden,another chance to grow and change!! Hang in there...its almost, almost here!! patti

    PS Sometimes it is better to receive than give...kind of balances out Life. This is your turn to receive after you've given so much to many!!

    2253 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/11/2015 5:23:21 PM
  • OKGOATGAL
    Hey, girl. You can do it. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we all goof up, we all fail. This is what makes us human. Sounds like you may have a little depression going on, and again, that's not unusual. I have depression and it bites. But we keep on keeping on, whatever we can do. I've been battling to lose 30 lbs for 5 years. I often feel like a failure. But I'm not, because I am human. I have other issues that impact my weight, including meds and chronic back pain. So. You are not alone. Draw strength from us all. That is why we are here. If you wanna talk, PM me. Hugs.
    2253 days ago
  • SUBMOM2
    You are not a loser! You're going through a rough patch right now, for sure, but hopefully it's just temporary. Do something just for you today, because you are worth the effort!
    2253 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10795864
    Hang in there. We all waver. Beautiful car!
    2253 days ago
  • MOM2ACAT
    emoticon Please don't give up! Even if you can't respond to all the blog posts.
    Even if you just have to start over with baby steps again, you can do it!
    You are not a "loser" either; everyone had their times of going through struggles, please don't let a rough patch cause you to give up!

    We are here for you!
    2253 days ago
  • DIXIE2350
    I am so sorry you are going through these feelings, but glad you wrote them out. You are right, it does help to express what you are going through. We are all a work in progress and sometimes it seems like we are getting nowhere fast. Boy I know that feeling too. I hope you stick around if just for the encouragement and friendship. No one is going to be as hard on you as you. You are a beautiful creation of God and He loves you just as you are. That will never change. You are not a failure because you are a child of God and a princess of the Almighty. Praying for you. Be blessed, Alice
    emoticon

    PS - Love the car. I am a Ford person.
    2253 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/11/2015 3:50:57 PM
  • no profile photo CD13354694
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    2253 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.