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my turn

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

you know you have become accustomed to pain when you finally get some relief from it and you are kind of shocked by how much pain you have dealt with over such a long period of time,
I did the insanity workout about three years ago now. I "pushed" and completed all but the last workout of the program. I was honestly impressed with myself for doing it because I am terrible at keeping up motivation, but I did. I did it, all but the last one, but given my terrible rep with doing things consistently I am giving myself that one day freebie and I don't feel bad about it.
I lost ten pounds, and I destroyed my left foot, shin, and knee. Okay, I didn't go to a doctor and find out EXACTLY what I blow out but I KNOW there was pain. and I took it easy, and I did light stretches, and I massaged and I tried to gradually work out the kinks, and my feet, particularly the left, felt like someone was smashing it with hammers, all the time. When I walked my feet hurt, when I sat my feet hurt, standing, sleeping, hurt hurt hurt. My calf muscle felt like it was being ripped apart, et cetera etcetera. A couple years worth of pain. Eventually the foot pain in my right foot subsided a bit, enough to make it oddly apparent that something was still wrong with my left.
I dealt with it. I winced and dealt with it. I took Tylenol and dealt with it. On the really painful days, I shed a few tears, thought "how am I ever going to lose any weight if I hurt this bad just laying in bed?" and got up and dealt with it.
I saw an info-mercial for a yoga workout a few weeks ago, with that typical "miracle transformation" that they use to see ever workout video ever made. I had been thinking about doing something like yoga to try to stretch out and not reinjure whatever it is that has been hurting me for so long.
I thought about it for a couple days, convincing and unconvincing myself that it would be a good workout to try to do. Slow, purposeful, spiritual, and, extra bonus, cheaper than some of those other workout programs out there. I live in a very rural area so gym going and yoga classes are not an option. Knowing myself as I do though, the unconvincing came when I thought, "okay, so it is probably I good thing to try, and it's cheaper, but what is the point of cheaper when you don't do it. You have to DO IT, for it to be worth it." I compromised with myself (I have lots of time alone, time to think about these things and have deep conversations with myself about them, lol) and decided to buy a cheap yoga dvd, from a certain store that claims to save you money and help you live better, give it a try, see if I manage to keep doing THAT workout dvd (at 1/7th the cost of the program I saw in the info-mercial) for at least six months, and if so, THEN I can make plans to buy the other yoga workout plan for myself.
Well, I am a month into the proving. Have done yoga roughly 3 days a week each week. After the fourth day of doing yoga, I was almost in tears when I realized that I got up and went down my stairs in the morning without wincing to the pain in my legs and feet, enough to call attention to it to my partner (who happens to be the least enthusiastic person I know) who responded typically, and I didn't care.
I can walk down my stairs without cringing, after a couple years of not being able to do that I had forgotten what it felt like to be able to put my foot down without pain.
Going to prove myself for the six months, then going to plan to buy the full set workout and hopefully get my body, and mind, on the right track to actually losing some of this weight.
With a tear in my eye (because I am a ridiculously emotional person, and also ridiculously grateful to whatever fate put me back on a positive track after so much pain and negativity...),
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