3 Year Maintenance Anniversary
Thursday, February 19, 2015
On February 8th I celebrated my 3 year maintenance anniversary. Since reaching my goal weight I have fear every single day that I would fail. Every morning I thought I would wake up and be 300 pounds again. Every morning I didn't wake up big again I was shocked. For an the entire first year of maintenance I remained scared to death I would get fat again. This started to grow into an eating disorder, and after and intervention of sorts I had to re-evaluate what I was doing. Did I seriously lose 160+ pounds to fear every single bite I put in my mouth. I was the thinnest I'd ever been and yet the most unhealthy.
After taking a step away from all things weight loss, I found myself again. It was hard. I hated myself for a few months, I had gained some weight back, which was my biggest fear and it left me disgusted. But then I realized even if I was a few pounds heavier, I was healthier. I had energy, not just enough to get me through my next workout but enough to live. I then started to enjoy this added freedom, probably too much, but it felt good to worry about everything!
Eventually I regained my composure, took off some of the excess pounds I had enjoyed gaining and found balance. Sure life isn't about food, but it's also not about fearing food. Luckily I love exercise so my weight gain didn't get out of control I just had to learn moderation. I knew what it was to overeat and I knew what it was like to under eat but I needed to learn that there was a balance between the two.
It's funny because as time went on I became less obsessive, less worried, more aware of my own body and I have become less and less afraid of gaining my weight back.
Don't get me wrong. I know that without continuing to live a healthy lifestyle there is a good possibility that I will gain my weight back, I also realize that just because I made it 3 years doesn't make me invincible, but what I do know is that I have built a pretty awesome foundation for a lifetime of healthy living. I have a lifestyle that is work, but not overwhelming. I am living in balance, probably for the first time in my life, and it feels amazing!!!