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Well This Is Embarrassing

Monday, February 02, 2015

On January 10, 2011 I wrote this blog after losing 102 pounds in one year:

It's amazing how close I have come undoing all of that hard work. I am 25 pounds heavier today than I was in 2011. The last few years have been extremely stressful but really, who cares. Everyone has stress in their lives. I have no one to blame but myself. I know how to do this but I have chosen not too. I hear those old voices in my head......"it's only a bite" "it's a birthday, anniversary, wedding, funeral" "you worked hard at work today you don't need to run" "well, you've already screwed up today eat as much as you can and start tomorrow" UGH! I thought I had those voices silenced forever. I gave up being vigilant. I gave up getting at least 10,000 steps a day. I gave up journaling my food. I gave up being accountable here on SP. It's been like watching one very long train wreck........I'm putting the train back on the track today!

The crappy things I've noticed about the new larger me:

My thighs rub together again. YUK
My knees hurt
My feet hurt
I have back spasms from an old injury
I wear size 16 jeans instead of the size 10 I was comfortably wearing.
I have three sizes of clothing in my closet
I'm in the bathroom far too of often
I avoid being in front of the camera again
I get winded easily and haven't done my favorite 5 mile hiking loop in a year
Going down the slide with my grand-daughter is a tight fit
It is getting harder to want to go out I'm so embarrassed about my size
I have two weddings coming up and am trying to figure out how not to go.......I have nothing to wear. Everything nice is too small.
I TUG at my clothes constantly as they ride up over my growing tummy
I am back to having a BMI in the obese category
My bladder control is awful
Crossing my legs at the knees isn't easy anymore
I think I might be able to take flight with my "wings" my arms are so flabby now

I'm sure I can find many more negatives about my weight gain but maybe this is enough for now.

I intend to sign on to SP daily, get at least 10,000 steps and put my health first again.

I WILL get my weight under control. I WILL run at least a 5k in 2015. My grandkids will not have an obese grand mother!

Thanks for reading!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I could have written this blog if I was talented like you. It is so true of me as well. Ignoring what I'm doing as I gorge and binge and gain. I hate that about myself. And everything you're experiencing as you've gained weight--DITTO here! Had to go to a banquet the other night, and struggled to find something to wear. I have more than three sizes in my closet however, there's clothes in there anywhere from size 8 clear up to 18. I have a blouse (just one) that is a small (it fit for a while), a few mediums, many larges and a few extra larges, all of which are too small now. When I started buying new clothes to fit after this latest gain, I got 1X, but ended up getting 2X's. OUCH! And I swore I'd never let myself get over 200 lbs. OOPS!
    I'm hopeful that WW will get me back on track. I'm down 9 lbs already, and it's only been four days, so hopefully the WW scale shows a loss as well. Of course at home I weigh first thing in the morning with nothing on, so the WW scale is always going to be more. I'm feeling better about myself again, instead of ashamed and depressed.
    514 days ago
    I think many of us fall into the same category. We started out faithful on sparks and lose the weight. I know for me, I thought I figured it out and was not as faithful on sparks and the old habits snuck back into my life.
    What you call "negatives" of weight gain will now be new ways to measure as you lose the weight.
    You have many spark friends here to join you in this journey
    1976 days ago
    I know how you feel, and then some. I've gained back twice as much as you. But Rockman is right. We can do this!
    Pressing onward...towards the goal! emoticon
    1977 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    Terry, you did this before and you can do it again!
    We are here to support you and help you accomplish your goals!

    emoticon emoticon
    1977 days ago
    It is great to notice when you are only up 25 pounds. You've still lost 75! Good luck on getting back to those good healthy habits.
    1977 days ago
  • IMADOLL1980
    You are far from what you were, but that being said I think it's great you are taking control. I get where you are. I'm there too. I gained 20lbs out of nowhere, I lost it and then gained it back again. Why couldn't I have just been born skinny like all those other people who don't have to worry about what they eat? Why do I have to obsess about food. I think about food as much as men think about sex I think. It's constantly on my mind. Best of luck to you and what a great accomplishment you have had. You know what to do. We all do. It's just a matter of doing it and getting past the mental road block. You got this. I got this.
    1977 days ago
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