Forgiveness Anchor - An Epiphany
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
So in my last blog (that was almost two weeks ago--so much for once a week blogging!), I mentioned how after I put in my notice, Drizella came to my office to ask why, and then I let loose on her and told her (almost) everything that I needed to say. Almost. In my loss of snark, I forgot to say, "So I'm taking my 'folksy' Georgetown education and my 'down home' international experience, and going back to DC, where people are used to a higher standard of professionalism."
And there you have it. A loss of snark. What the...?! I have been ruminating and marinating in my juices for almost a year, and my snark dissipated as I "spoke my truth," as many of you called it. And after it was over, I was overwhelmed with emotion, but after THAT was over, I felt...light. I wasn't angry any more. It was gone.
It helped that she was apologetic that she called me "folksy" and "down home." I said to her, "You called me 'folksy' and 'down home.' You essentially called me 'white trash'!" and she said, no, she didn't, and I said, of course you did. And then she said she didn't remember it, and I said that must be nice, because I will never forget it. It's something I will always carry with me, and she said that she is very sorry that is something I am taking with me. She also said she was sorry I was so miserable this whole time, and I said, "It's okay." And she said, "But no, it's really not."
So I think it's forgiven. I suppose there is nothing to give myself credit for in the process, though. I still need to work on how to forgive when people aren't apologizing...I suppose that is what Anastasia is for. Her response to my notice was a blase, "Sorry it didn't work out, but such is life." And my initial thought when she said that was, "Eff you. No. Such is YOUR life. You'll be here forever, and I'm leaving." She sucks. But I need to sit down and think about her a litte more. She's not an evil person, so I can work on this with her hopefully with ease.