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Forgiveness Anchor - An Epiphany

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

So in my last blog (that was almost two weeks ago--so much for once a week blogging!), I mentioned how after I put in my notice, Drizella came to my office to ask why, and then I let loose on her and told her (almost) everything that I needed to say. Almost. In my loss of snark, I forgot to say, "So I'm taking my 'folksy' Georgetown education and my 'down home' international experience, and going back to DC, where people are used to a higher standard of professionalism."

And there you have it. A loss of snark. What the...?! I have been ruminating and marinating in my juices for almost a year, and my snark dissipated as I "spoke my truth," as many of you called it. And after it was over, I was overwhelmed with emotion, but after THAT was over, I felt...light. I wasn't angry any more. It was gone.

It helped that she was apologetic that she called me "folksy" and "down home." I said to her, "You called me 'folksy' and 'down home.' You essentially called me 'white trash'!" and she said, no, she didn't, and I said, of course you did. And then she said she didn't remember it, and I said that must be nice, because I will never forget it. It's something I will always carry with me, and she said that she is very sorry that is something I am taking with me. She also said she was sorry I was so miserable this whole time, and I said, "It's okay." And she said, "But no, it's really not."

So I think it's forgiven. I suppose there is nothing to give myself credit for in the process, though. I still need to work on how to forgive when people aren't apologizing...I suppose that is what Anastasia is for. Her response to my notice was a blase, "Sorry it didn't work out, but such is life." And my initial thought when she said that was, "Eff you. No. Such is YOUR life. You'll be here forever, and I'm leaving." She sucks. But I need to sit down and think about her a litte more. She's not an evil person, so I can work on this with her hopefully with ease.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It sounds like you've learned and grown a lot from this experience, painful and frustrating as it was. And I really like EYES_ON_THEPRAZ' comment, especially when she says, "you talking this way with her is probably going to help her in the long run." I know you touched on this in your earlier blog about forgiveness, but I think that's the key--to see conflict as an opportunity to improve not only yourself, but also whoever it is that's making you want to take revenge. And this is so hard. Sometimes we don't have the opportunity to confront the people who've wronged us because we find out too late what they did (like the a**hole who tormented my daughter at her expensive private international school, whose abuse it took my daughter years to be able to relate to me and more years to get over), but in your case, you did something very honest and healthy, and your action benefited both you and the person who wronged you. The feeling would have been so different had you left that job without saying anything. You did good, BEALETOT. This is a story with a happy ending!
    1859 days ago
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    You did well. From the sound of it Drizella also did her best. That's good. She might never have said these things though if you hadn't opened up.

    On to Anastasia!
    1861 days ago
    Wow - she actually sounds sorry. I think it's good you expressed yourself. I do hope you can let the comments go, eventually, because you are so much more than that. I forget how exactly she used them and in what context (besides to insult you) so I would just spin them to a positive when you think of them in the future. You CAN Be folksy AND professional. Whatever the hell folksy even means! I think it's a big sign of growth that you weren't snarky or overly rude to her because you were able to tell her how you were feeling without getting nasty. As rude as she was in the past, being rude back wouldn't have solved anything, and you talking this way with her is probably going to help her in the long run. my guess is she'll start to think more before opening her mouth. It's a lesson we all need to learn so kudos to you for helping her.
    Anastasia, well... idk about that one.
    1862 days ago
    Good for you, forgiving is something you do to heal yourself.
    I think it is great that you are leaving your anger behind.
    I really hope you will find a new job that will be better.
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    1862 days ago
    I'm glad you got to let it out and that you're going back home! Hopefully your next adventure will be amongst those who appreciate your abilities and respect your background! Good for you!
    1862 days ago
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