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I Don't Believe in Myself

Friday, January 16, 2015

I always seem to come back here when I'm stuck.

I no longer believe in myself. I no longer see a light at the end of this dark, fat tunnel. I see others reaching goals, and I'm still in the same exact place. Where's the fire? Where's the passion? Why can't I finish what I've started?

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not giving myself a chance to succeed. I'm not truly committed. I'm not tracking the way I should be. I'm not moving the way I should be. I'm not choosing healthy choices more than the unhealthy ones. I've taken the backseat again. I'm placing all of my faith and hopes into other people and then I'm surprised when at the end of the week, the scale hasn't moved. What works for others is not working for me.

Perhaps it's not so much that the support system isn't working, but more that I have flat out refused to use it? Would I find support from my husband if I asked for it, or is it that I think I shouldn't have to ask at all?

Maybe the light really is there, but I refuse to see it. The dark has always been a comfort to me. It's all I've ever really known.

There is so much in my life that I do not have control over right now. Food and exercise are things that I can control and choose not to. Why is that?

I just feel lost on the journey. I set goals and don't ever reach them. Am I setting them too high? Am I even really interested in reaching them?

The reality plays out on my scale every week. I can't afford to not take this seriously anymore. I can't afford to fail.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Was an interesting weight loss success story in the Woman's World magazine called 'the Happiness Diet' and it really is about the self-talk, the finding the motivation and believing IN YOURSELF. I know that is what worked for me. My weight loss was not the speedy kind that others seemed to achieve. Scale stayed the same for weeks without budging although I was doing 'what I was supposed to' and then it all just worked. I truly believe it is because I just surrendered and kept up the program of food and fitness and didn't beat myself up or compare myself to anyone else...just decided to love myself and congratulate myself for 'sticking to it' in spite of not showing progress on the scale. There were the non-scale victories...easier breathing, increased walking speeds, loose clothes, better sleep...so I was "happy" for those and the scale followed suit!
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    1529 days ago
    Well said. The fact that you put it out there is a perfect first step. People in the same situation would not have the courage to tell complete strangers what is going on deep down. Koodos to you.
    1529 days ago
    that 'switch' is the million dollar question...negative feelings usually stem from early experiences-let it go...Bernie Mac it...have positive talks with yourself and FIGHT...I've been there/done that, but each day we have a new opportunity-take advantage of them and get some humor and get those 'dance moves' grooving! emoticon
    1530 days ago
    Be inspired, imagine your dreams and then have it become a reality! Have confidence emoticon
    1530 days ago
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