Can I get your approval????
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
I was reading some SP blogs and I read one about being hypocritical It sparked some thinking about my struggles the last few days. Yep, I thought I was done thinking about it and had moved on - but I think there was one more lesson in there for me. Funny how those things come up when sparked!
Note to self: Barb, quit seeking approval! Approval from others or the scale does not make things that are wrong become right.
After my weekend and Monday of poor choices, the first thing I did was seek the approval of Mr Scale - as if I got the approval of Mr Scale it would have nullified all the poor choices I made! Well, at first I thought it did - so I continued on with my poor choices as if they didn't matter, like those poor choices were good choices!
Oh, and then when I did't get Mr Scale's approval I got upset? Really? When I see in flashing LED numbers - the result of my poor choices, my first thought goes to "I worked so hard. I will never get this. I can't believe THAT number. I am a failure." And then I want to kick Mr. Scale for his brutal honesty. Mr Scale has reduced me to feeling like a complete failure in less than a couple seconds. Hmmmmm.
Wow. A flippin scale can control my self worth and self approval! Ummm, NOT!
Now, I really didn't want to blog about my poor choices because - I didn't want YOU to know I made poor choices. I wanted to keep that in the closet and continue to kick Mr. Scale for a bit and then start in on emotionally beating myself up, all the while I of course would be supportive of others on SP - but battering myself in the dark. After doing that until I was emotionally exhausted, it would be ok to comfort myself with a binge on some sort of sweet or salty snack which would continue the cycle of seeking approval from Mr. Scale to emotionally beating myself to stuffing myself with unnecessary food forever. Now that is not the healthy lifestyle I had in mind when I started this journey!
Can you tell? I've done this before!
Well, sometimes the light comes on and we are a bit blinded at first and we need to adjust. We need to pause to get our bearings until we can see where we are and find our path.
Well nothing changes if nothing changes - so I blogged about it. I let you know I am not perfect and made some poor choices. I let you know what I learned about them. I silenced those bad, bully girls that chant all that belittling crap in the chorus in my head by enlisting the help of others to take them on. I learned that just because I make some poor choices doesn't mean I am bad, or weak, or anything else. It means I am human. Yep, human. I won't always make poor choices - but you know what? There WILL be more along life's way.
I received encouragement, suggestions and love. Thank you fellow sparkers!
From now on the only approval I will be seeking is my own! This will be new and challenging. Sometimes I may seek your input on things - but when the lights go out and I am in that dark space - the thing I need the most is to believe in myself! When that belief runs thin, I may once again humbly ask for your help.
I have everything I need to make this journey! Thanks for being by my side! Yep, 2015 is the year of small changes, baby steps. Moving forward baby!