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Who Can Think of a Clever, Creative Title for a New Year's Blog? I can't.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

We are leaving soon for a dinner, and I don't think I'll have time to blog between now and midnight, otherwise, so here I am.

I have read some really, really beautiful blogs for the New Year. JOHNTJ1, THE-SHELBSTER, FEEDTHEHUNGER, ONEKIDSMOM, PIXIE-LICIOUS...I don't know if I have these names just right, I'm in a bit of a hurry, but they have written just, wow, and I'm quite sure you know who I'm talking about! I feel pretty inadequate trying to put this together and with such a time crunch, too, but I feel like I have to give it a whirl, anyway, because otherwise, I'll forget.

I'm in my hometown. I came here for Christmas. There are 7 of us in my family, and only one is left in my hometown. The rest of us are spread out in San Diego, Chicago, NYC, Little Rock, Miami...but for the first time in six years, we were together. It was lovely. And then tragedy struck.

The night before we were driving back, the matriarch of my husband's family passed away. I'd say it was unexpected, because we weren't expecting it, but she had battled Lou Gehrig's for over a decade.

So we had to stay for the funeral and the family. I say "had," but no. We wanted to, as much as anyone can want to go a funeral, I guess. There has been drama and stress and manic shopping--we didn't come planning for a funeral! But we made it through. The funeral was today, and it was lovely.

Because of all this, and because I'm away from my...LIFE, the 31st really snuck up on me. I usually like to sit for several hours over a couple days and really reflect on everything, where my life was, where it went, where it is, where I want it to be...the making of New Year's Resolutions makes me so happy, because even though I almost never stick to them, they represent a new beginning, and the enthusiasm behind them is so exciting! Alas, I have been remiss in my reflections this year, but a death in the family is an excellent excuse!

So here I am, completely adrift on New Year's Eve. And headed to a funeral to honor and celebrate this brilliant, brave lady who made history in her homeland, as the first female in her very public career there, and it really makes everything seem so...small. And it makes you think about the way life passes, and the way our bodies begin to betray us as we get older, and poor, poor Mama, who fought and braved and battled this horrific disease for so long, and you feel helpless to stop the ravages of age and disease from overtaking you.

And of course, to some extent, you are. She didn't "catch" or seek out ALS. And of course, things get creaky over time. Nothing lasts forever. Everything is impermanent. But there's no reason to speed it along. So what am I DOING when I disrespect my body with being sedentary and stuffing it with bad foods? What am I DOING wasting my time on meaningless pursuits like watching television and on being angry and holding grudges? What am I DOING??

So my resolution this year is just like Pixie's. I'm going to LOVE myself. I am going to RESPECT myself, and I'm going to give myself proper nourishment, and I am going to move as much as possible. This all sounds very nebulous.

Before I left for my trip, I put together a checklist for eating, to make sure I eat the right foods. I have 5 checkboxes each day for veggies, 3 for fruits, etc. And I have collected probably 20 recipes to try. I'm going to follow that checklist for a few months at least until I'm accustomed to eating in this way. It's not focusing on calories, just making sure what I eat is nutritious. I am going to be very strict about No-S. No-S is awesome, when you do it. When you don't do it, it's just eating with no rules, like always. I see where that's gotten me. I actually got the book itself for Christmas, and I'm looking forward to seeing what it has that the website doesn't.

Moving around is easy, or has been. I'm not too worried about it at this point, but I will make an ST plan this year, and I will stick with it.

2014 was probably the worst year of my life. I went through hell and back with my job, essentially being called "white trash" by my supervisors during my performance evaluation, being subjected to the silent treatment and other really mature power plays, and it's not even like this place I moved to is that great. It actually is the worst place I can imagine. I feel like Peter Gibbons in "Office Space" where he says, "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

But I feel good about 2015. Speaking of moving, we got word that our tenants are leaving our house early (we offered them the option of leaving early with no penalty if they gave 30 days notice), so we are moving back home in a few weeks. And I went last month to my old job to ask for it back, and I think they're going to give it to me. I spoke with the boss today, and she said she hopes to have approval from the higher-ups by early next week. With any luck, within a month, this whole thing will be like a bad dream.

I'm glad I didn't take you along for this ride. It's been awful. But thank goodness, it is almost over. And I will take you for the ride for 2015. If I remember. =) I don't resolve it, but I plan to blog at least once a week in 2015.

Happy New Year, everyone!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EYES_ON_THEPRAZ
    Ohhh no! so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law and the terrible disease she had to live with for so long. But I am glad that you seem to be at some peace with it, and also where your new year is headed! I hope you get the good news soon! So happy for you and glad that 2014 is behind all of us. I feel the EXACT same way about the job stuff, as I know you know. I love your resolution. I'l have to steal it to add with my "floss everyday" goal. :-) emoticon
    1536 days ago
  • FORZACHANDMATT
    I think you honored her in such a wonderful way and have made a great start to 2015
    1540 days ago
  • BUTTONPOPPER1
    BEATLETOT, despite the sad death in the family, this blog is really hopeful. So much to be grateful for-- that you could stay for the funeral and celebrate the life of this special woman, that you are motivated to be as healthy as can be in the coming year, that you will be leaving a position that has made you unhappy, that you will soon be re-installed in the house that you love, and that you will probably get your old job back! I mean, it made me happy to read such a joyful account of how circumstances can converge into something that looks like true happiness!

    Happy New Year!
    1540 days ago
  • PIXIE-LICIOUS
    This part; "Nothing lasts forever. Everything is impermanent. But there's no reason to speed it along. So what am I DOING when I disrespect my body with being sedentary and stuffing it with bad foods?"
    I wish I could have read something like that when I was younger...although who knows if I would have paid attention? Sigh.

    I am wishing you all the best in 2015....so glad you are going to love and respect yourself by eating healthy and moving that body!
    emoticon emoticon

    1540 days ago
  • FEEDTHEHUNGER
    Happy New Year -- You're so right that the NO S rocks when you rock it but elsewise is just a way to keep eating and eating.

    So ...

    Let's rock it in 2015!!!

    Good luck getting your old job back. Forgiveness to me doesn't mean sticking around to be abused, it means letting go of the thoughts about it by gradually seeing that another person's actions are more about him or her than you. As you incorporate the understanding that very little that comes at you from other people is actually about YOU, you are able to let go of the resentful thoughts that take up space in your head without paying rent. Letting go of thinking about the injury is a big part of forgiveness. Leaving an abusive person or situation is about good self care.

    Happy New Year!!!
    1540 days ago
  • CHRISTINA-TODAY
    Happy New Year. I hope 2015 will be a good year for you, at your old job or at a NICE new one.
    Looking forward to seeing you post. I hope you'll write about the No S book.
    1540 days ago
  • SEAGLASS1215
    Happy New Year, to you, too! I hope 2015 will be better for you than 2014 was - so sorry to hear about the death in the family but at least you were already all there, together...and you had a rough time with your job too, this past year. I'll send positive thoughts your way that you can get your old one back (or maybe even a different, better one than where you work now). Good luck with everything - I wish you peace and happiness and love in 2015!
    1541 days ago
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