We are leaving soon for a dinner, and I don't think I'll have time to blog between now and midnight, otherwise, so here I am.
I have read some really, really beautiful blogs for the New Year. JOHNTJ1, THE-SHELBSTER, FEEDTHEHUNGER, ONEKIDSMOM, PIXIE-LICIOUS...I don't know if I have these names just right, I'm in a bit of a hurry, but they have written just, wow, and I'm quite sure you know who I'm talking about! I feel pretty inadequate trying to put this together and with such a time crunch, too, but I feel like I have to give it a whirl, anyway, because otherwise, I'll forget.
I'm in my hometown. I came here for Christmas. There are 7 of us in my family, and only one is left in my hometown. The rest of us are spread out in San Diego, Chicago, NYC, Little Rock, Miami...but for the first time in six years, we were together. It was lovely. And then tragedy struck.
The night before we were driving back, the matriarch of my husband's family passed away. I'd say it was unexpected, because we weren't expecting it, but she had battled Lou Gehrig's for over a decade.
So we had to stay for the funeral and the family. I say "had," but no. We wanted to, as much as anyone can want to go a funeral, I guess. There has been drama and stress and manic shopping--we didn't come planning for a funeral! But we made it through. The funeral was today, and it was lovely.
Because of all this, and because I'm away from my...LIFE, the 31st really snuck up on me. I usually like to sit for several hours over a couple days and really reflect on everything, where my life was, where it went, where it is, where I want it to be...the making of New Year's Resolutions makes me so happy, because even though I almost never stick to them, they represent a new beginning, and the enthusiasm behind them is so exciting! Alas, I have been remiss in my reflections this year, but a death in the family is an excellent excuse!
So here I am, completely adrift on New Year's Eve. And headed to a funeral to honor and celebrate this brilliant, brave lady who made history in her homeland, as the first female in her very public career there, and it really makes everything seem so...small. And it makes you think about the way life passes, and the way our bodies begin to betray us as we get older, and poor, poor Mama, who fought and braved and battled this horrific disease for so long, and you feel helpless to stop the ravages of age and disease from overtaking you.
And of course, to some extent, you are. She didn't "catch" or seek out ALS. And of course, things get creaky over time. Nothing lasts forever. Everything is impermanent. But there's no reason to speed it along. So what am I DOING when I disrespect my body with being sedentary and stuffing it with bad foods? What am I DOING wasting my time on meaningless pursuits like watching television and on being angry and holding grudges? What am I DOING??
So my resolution this year is just like Pixie's. I'm going to LOVE myself. I am going to RESPECT myself, and I'm going to give myself proper nourishment, and I am going to move as much as possible. This all sounds very nebulous.
Before I left for my trip, I put together a checklist for eating, to make sure I eat the right foods. I have 5 checkboxes each day for veggies, 3 for fruits, etc. And I have collected probably 20 recipes to try. I'm going to follow that checklist for a few months at least until I'm accustomed to eating in this way. It's not focusing on calories, just making sure what I eat is nutritious. I am going to be very strict about No-S. No-S is awesome, when you do it. When you don't do it, it's just eating with no rules, like always. I see where that's gotten me. I actually got the book itself for Christmas, and I'm looking forward to seeing what it has that the website doesn't.
Moving around is easy, or has been. I'm not too worried about it at this point, but I will make an ST plan this year, and I will stick with it.
2014 was probably the worst year of my life. I went through hell and back with my job, essentially being called "white trash" by my supervisors during my performance evaluation, being subjected to the silent treatment and other really mature power plays, and it's not even like this place I moved to is that great. It actually is the worst place I can imagine. I feel like Peter Gibbons in "Office Space" where he says, "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
But I feel good about 2015. Speaking of moving, we got word that our tenants are leaving our house early (we offered them the option of leaving early with no penalty if they gave 30 days notice), so we are moving back home in a few weeks. And I went last month to my old job to ask for it back, and I think they're going to give it to me. I spoke with the boss today, and she said she hopes to have approval from the higher-ups by early next week. With any luck, within a month, this whole thing will be like a bad dream.
I'm glad I didn't take you along for this ride. It's been awful. But thank goodness, it is almost over. And I will take you for the ride for 2015. If I remember. =) I don't resolve it, but I plan to blog at least once a week in 2015.
Happy New Year, everyone!!!