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Do In-Laws have to get along? Vent Blog

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

A few weeks before Thanksgiving my son came to me very upset and asked if his girlfriend and her son could come to our house for dinner. Both my husband and I said yes, goodness they have been dating for years now so why would it bother us. My son then starts to tell me about how he was originally going to go up to her parents house (where she lives) and have dinner there but after a recent fight she had with her parents he wasn't going to do that. Of course this peeked my interest and I wanted to know why.

Son "Well her parents basically said that they have never liked me. That I cry about everything, I don't have any clue on what I'm doing with my life and will never be more than a city boy. I should be more like her father who is a doctor and work 80+ hours a week so I can take care of my girlfriend and her son."

Mind you prior to this I have never felt my blood actually boil in my skin. How DARE someone that does not know me, my husband or our family put down my son like that! and how DARE you look down your nose at where we live....again you don't know me and if making my husband wok 80+ a week to live in a big home in the suburbs is what you want fine, I want my man home with me. Then to say that my son should be like a man that is someone other than his OWN father or mother....Heck NO! My son's lost their biological mother young (I am blessed to have them and to have them love me enough for the "mom" title).....and what he was telling me, seeing how upset he was just burned me to the soul.

When I say that these two have been dating for years I mean just that....these two have been together for at least four years now. They talk about marriage but have not set anything. I have been having my concerns about this for a while because in the time they have been together she has not worked one day. She and her son live at home with her parents (just as her older brothers do). So she has a 7 year old, lives at home, does not work, does not go to school.....Yet they called MY SON a bunch of names and basically disrespected his father and me......yes I was angry and still am.

Then here the other night my son comes in from being with his GF all day and tells us that her parents would like for us to come up there for Christmas. Now I know that I should be the bigger person and accept.....but instead of that out from my mouth was "oh HE_ _ NO, I am not going up to some snobby persons house so that they can spend the night looking down their nose at me and my family" (and a few other choice words followed)

I'm still just livid over this and I think that given the chance I might actually hurt someone! Do the In-Law parents have to get along? I can forgive and forget, but not when it comes to hurting my children. At this point they are the LAST people I want to spend a holiday with!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Girl. I would be angry too. In-law relationships are so hard. Stay strong!
    1559 days ago
  • KANOE10
    If I was in your shoes, I would not go either. It is ironic that they are attacking your son for not being a workaholic, while their daughter is not working at all. I am sorry about your pain and feel for your son.

    1560 days ago
    Oh my my my. What the blankity blank is wrong with people!?! Ugh. I hate to hear this. I'm with you on this, no thanks. I would not want my husband to have to work double the hours of a normal person AND that doesn't make you better than someone. I mean seriously!!! Oh, I'm ticked off on your behalf now, lol. Sad.
    1562 days ago
    Have you seen how well my in laws get along with my family? yeah, me either. LOL

    Actually his girl friend may not know any better. Have you talked to son about if he's okay that this could be a lifetime goal of hers (to never work) It only works if they are okay with it. I'm not going to "shame on her" because being super feminist here we believe it's a PERSONs right to choose, whether it be male or female (hey, if hubs wants to stop working and make me bread winner, I'd be okay...does that make him a loaf? choice)

    HOWEVER, on the original topic. WTF kind of example are people setting when they snob others? oh good golly that burns my toenails.

    I always tell hubster (and you know why) that he's effing crazy if he thinks I'm spending a beloved holiday with THOSE people, but then I calm and go "but you understand why right? " and we talk about it. LOL I don't want to hurt his feelings without him understanding where I am coming from. As you know, last time resulted in a compromise of a hotel and lots of overtime at work. :o)

    good luck
    1563 days ago
    How about "Maybe next year"? I wish there were a way to get our kids to see what we need them to see, but we can't. Hard as it is to accept, he can choose to be affiliated with people like that, but you don't have to.
    1563 days ago
    I wouldn't go. I hate people like that! I really do. You don't have to get along with them if your son and her stay together. It sounds like she is a spoiled brat.
    1563 days ago
    While I can't understand your situation from your point of view, I do know what it feels like to be in your son's shoes. My ex and I were together for 3 years and planned on getting married. His parents are major workaholics and no matter what I did I was never good enough. My schooling, my job, my work ethic, nothing. At the end of the day I was never good enough. It's hard and it wears on you. On the one hand, you want to take care of and be there for your significant other. On the other hand, you know in the back of your mind that you will never measure up. My ex and I split up 4 years ago but it was very amicable and we are still best friends. To this day, his mother still doesn't think I measure up and my parents are enraged. I've been there so I completely understand.

    My parents and I still chose to be the bigger person and took the "kill them with kindness" approach. While I understand how this can and will get under a mother's skin, I also feel that staying angry and bitter cannot be healthy. However the situation goes, I hope everyone is able to get along civilly and amicably for the holidays. Good luck!
    1563 days ago
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