ugh

Since my last blog I was doing really really well. My food was pretty on track, I was killing it at my workouts, and I was really starting to feel more like myself. Well Thursday morning I had a bodpod. I knew that I was going to gain fat and I was mentally prepared for it. I had lost every month since January but October was insanely bad for me and I didn't bodpod and I was still making up for that in November. So anyways, I knew it was going to go up, I just wasn't prepared for the level of fat that I gained since September. I was/am SO disappointed in myself that I let this happen. I had a goal in mind of where I wanted to be when I went on vacation at the end of January and I am now months and months behind that. I threw away so much progress. For what? For eating doughnuts and fast food and sitting around feeling miserable? I wish I could say that I used that bodpod as motivation to move forward and make even bigger changes but unfortunately I didn't. I have spent the last three days thinking about how I've failed, how weak I am, and giving into my ED.

Time to get over it. I can't put all of my focus on it. I made all of those decisions to eat and drink all of the crap that I did. No one forced me to make those decisions. It was my choice and I need to make better choices.

Tomorrow yet again is a new day. I am food prepping today and I am NOT going to cheat on my plan this week. My goal for December is going to be a 6 pound fat loss. Don't let me forget that friends. 6 pounds. During the Holiday season. I can do this. I want to do this. Being healthy and fit and happy are far more important to me than eating pie and Christmas cookies.