Friday, November 21, 2014
well it was time to face the music, that is for sure I have not stepped on the scale the whole month of November.. I knew that is would put me in a tail spin..... I was or has been or am still struggling.. not with food so much but with everything.. the stress has gotten to me and the stress is mostly from my chasing and chasing and trying to hold on to what little I have of motivation and willingness to lose weight and I just feel like my some line backer is bushing me.. there is a defense line that I cannot break through.. its line I am running down the field running as fast as I can and there is this wall that is hold out arms pushing me saying no no you can't cant come close.. get back..
I try every day to work my program as I say.. I know I was making some choices that where not good for me.. and to be honest it was not out and out binges. but it was pizza there pasta there. chips here cake there.. ok..yea but there was that wall saying hahahah you cheated you cannot get past go back.. and back I went..
So this past two weeks I had a huge plan.. the play book was written.. I knew what I needed to do and I was off running again. feeling good. feeling empowered feeling like Ok I am doing good ... then bam.. I had to step on that scale this morning just a quick side line curiosity got to me.. and reality stood up and slapped me back..
up 10lbs.. 10.. from the Summer 10 from all the stepping on the scales and seeing I was up 10 from the previous Fall..
So not only did I go all Summer long with out losing the 10 I gained from last Holiday.. I put on 10 more..
I have no words.. I don't know what to say or what to do for that fact.. I am not going to say how can this be? I know what happen but I just cannot believe that working my tail off for 11 months makes me gain in stead of lose.. I did not lose one pound this summer I was playing with the same up and down 3lbs and then finally it was all gain gain gain..
I sit here and cannot believe that I made said to my self last year this time that I was going to be at my goal weight.. ha..ha ha ha.. not only no there but so much further away..
Can someone help me??? can someone tell me what am I doing wrong..? I track my food all the time.. I am at 1300 calories all the time I know there where events of eating more or something that I should not of.. but it was not like a daily thing..
I eat clean breakfast lunch and dinner. no fast food no processed but yes I have had pizza pasta, chips and crackers but not in a binging way.. it would like if they where out because someone was munching on them I would dip in.. I don't know..but
I am at a lost again..
sorry this was so long and drawn out.. Have a good day!