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Beck Diet Solution Day Twenty-Nine - Resist Food Pushers

Friday, November 21, 2014

Okay, today is my weigh day. I was thrilled AND disappointed. Thrilled because this morning I was 158.2 and from one week ago that is 2 pounds down! But don't forget half of this week was out trudging in the woods hunting with John, getting absolutely EXHAUSTED. Disappointed, because I actually do want to do this SLOW so it STAYS off. I'm happy where I am now so I can do this slow. Another thing, I actually refigured my BMI and had to set my goal down from 145 to 135 because I have actually SHRUNK one inch in my "old age" and I was in denial! Another note, I just realized that I have lost 5 pounds now...time to CELEBRATE and give myself CREDIT! and I thank ALL of you, I could not have done it without you!!!! emoticon

Now, today's lesson is "Resist Food Pushers" and the workbook calls it "Week 5- Solve Real-life Problems" Day 29 "Say No to Food Pushers".

Beck gives a long account of an actual example of her own life where she had to resist "food-pushing". It is excellent but for time I won't go into it. I would recommend that anyone either borrow or buy both books they are THAT good.

I will do today's blog from the workbook.

Food-pushers are people who urge you to eat something that's not on your diet. They fall into three categories:

1. People who are just trying to be nice but don't care whether or not you eat what they offer.

2. People who genuinely want you to eat something and are offended if you turn them down.

3. People who are deliberately trying to get you to eat something they know isn't on your diet. (WHO of us has not run into this one????)

Beck then tells us to do the following:

Thank them nicely: "Oh, thanks very much, but no thanks."

If appropriate, if the food won't be too tempting, AND IF YOU WANT TO, you can ask if you can take it with you: "That looks good. Would you mind if I took it home and had it later? Then add it to your food plan for tomorrow or for some other day.

IF THEY INSIST, you can give a simple explanation if you want: "Thanks, but I have to watch what I'm eating these days." Or you can just say more firmly, but still politely, "No, thanks. I'm going to pass."


#4: IT'S OKAY TO DISAPPOINT PEOPLE: I'm entitled to do what I have to do to lose weight, as long as I am nicely assertive.

Also she refers us to Response Cards #5 and #14

#5: SAY NO TO EXTRA FOOD: Get rid of extra food. It'll be wasted in the trash can or in my body. EITHER WAY, IT'S WASTED!

#14: IT'S NOT OKAY: It's NOT OKAY to eat this. I'm going to be VERY SORRY if I do.

Think about the next couple people who might try to push food on you. Then ask yourself these questions:

Is it reasonable for them to have a strong negative reaction?

How long will they be upset? How soon will they actually be thinking about something else?

What's the WORST that will happen if I turn them down? If that happened, what could I say to them?

If I had to be on a diet because I had a HEART CONDITION, wouldn't I refuse what they were offering? Why isn't my goal of losing weight also legitimate????

Now, think about the COSTS you will incur if you say yes to these food pushers (note the similarity to drug-pushers).

I'll have to deviate from my plan.

Eating this might set off cravings! (or a BINGE, for me)

I'll feel like I'm being controlled.

I'll feel weak.

I'll be giving the message that it's okay to push food on me.

I'll feel bad after I eat it. (UNDERSTATEMENT)

Finally she goes over a Sabotaging thought that goes with this.

SABOTAGING THOUGHT: If I don't eat, [this food pusher] will be upset.

HELPFUL RESPONSE: She may not be as upset as I fear, but even if she is, SO WHAT? I should turn down any food I hadn't planned to eat. I'M ENTITLED to do this as long as I'm politely assertive. I SHOULDN'T LET HER PUSH ME AROUND.

I have to say that this one is another one that is pretty easy for me. I have told you I live with a "thin person" who thinks like one and he has NO PROBLEM turning food down or throwing it away. I have learned a LOT from him! And the two biggies for me are I HATE feeling CONTROLLED and I know if I allow someone to control me I WILL BINGE (anger turned inward). It's just NOT worth it!!

Today is TGIF and again I wish all of you a blessed day today. It is 8 F as I write this here in MI and we were blessed not to get the "lake effect" snow that hit most of the state. They got 4-5 inches and it missed us.

I also want to thank KANOE10 emoticon and pass on this information. On her comment on yesterday's blog she told me of a site called where I can write my weight each day and see the graph. I LOVE it. I don't like keeping paper records any more than I have to so this is easy and very appreciated, I don't use a SMART activity tracker yet, I am still trying to figure out which one I want...I know I want a bracelet one this time!

Today is day 29 of Beck and day 40 of our STREAK!!! Ginie and Jules, all I can say is
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Awesome! I find that with my food allergies, I have a "built in excuse" for food pushers -- "Oh, terribly sweet of you to offer, but I'm allergic to (fill in the blank).

    Anyhow, appreciate the suggestions for how to deal with "pushers!"
    1734 days ago
  • EDWARDS1411
    Congrats on losing the 2 lbs. - woohoo!!!
    1734 days ago
    40 days and 40 nights... puts you guys at Biblical proportions. emoticon emoticon
    1734 days ago
    You are an A+ student of Beck's. Another very good job! And congrats on the weight loss. A very, very good job, indeed.
    1734 days ago
  • MISSM66
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    1734 days ago
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    1734 days ago
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    1735 days ago
    emoticon Now that I have lost the weight, I get people saying but you aren't on a diet anymore. I just tell them I never was on a diet, I have changed my lifestyle and that is for life. emoticon
    1735 days ago
    Great tips for the day. Yesterday there were roasted in the shell peanuts at the café and I ate 3. One guy offered me more and I said I didn't want to ruin my dinner (3 hours away). Sometimes you just have to stand your ground. You are doing great!
    1735 days ago
  • DALID414
    Sometimes, the food pusher #3 is the boyfriend! I find it's best NOT to tell him I'm abstaining from a certain food and just not eat it, he tends not to notice. If I proclaim, I'm not eating chocolate this month, he tends to go overboard in buying me King Size chocolate bars, go figure.

    I saw day 40 coming! emoticon
    1735 days ago
    I either tell them I'm full and can't eat another bite or mentioned my many food allergies. I don't want to disrupt your party by having to call the squad. That one always works (just not on family)
    1735 days ago
    Food pushers don't bother me anymore. I don't care how insistent someone might be about joining them for bungee jumping or skydiving. I would say No and not care what they thought. If a man makes an inappropriate suggestion, I say No without hesitation and don't care what he thinks. If someone offers me food that I don't want, I say No and don't care what they think. I don't need to explain, "No" is a complete sentence. If I ever find myself waffling, then at some level I want what they are offering and am going through the mental process of taking the food while blaming someone else. If you really really mean No, it isn't hard. I cannot expect others to be the mechanism for making it easy to keep me on plan. That's my job.
    1735 days ago
  • JUDY1676
    You are doing a emoticon job! emoticon emoticon
    1735 days ago
    Congratulations on the 2# and everything else! WTG!

    I'm lucky, I only have one food pusher here; and am not seeing much of her. She's one that "won't eat" unless I eat. It really isn't about me, I find food pushers want to be OK with their choices.
    My biggest pushers are my siblings. When they go too far; I push back as only siblings can. Last visit, my brother picked up ice cream to have for a treat at my daughter's. Nice gesture. It was after a dance program when we returned there and were visiting; I offered to serve ice cream to those wanting it as my daughter was both worn out and wanting to visit. I passed on the ice cream. Brother insisted on knowing why. So I shared that I did not eat ice cream with additives anymore. (true, has limited consumption as it's pricey!) Then came a crack about how I was ruining my immune system and went on to insist next visit he was bringing me an ice cream maker. I explained to him I didn't have an ice cream maker for the same reason I don't have a bread maker. He wouldn't let it go. I came back, "don't forget to take your medicine when we get home." and that ended it. Mean, yes. My grandkids were aghast! Problem? No, he got the point and we still love each other. There's no denying their health problems are due to poor choices. Sadly all my siblings are in poor health

    P.S. I was in denial on the first inch too; figured it was in the way I was measured. Now I've lost 2"! Bummer!
    1735 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/21/2014 9:06:30 AM
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Glad you lost some weight. I guess I should measure how tall I am... and base my goal on that too.
    I try not to be a food pusher, and I always offer and offer to let people to take a sample home, and I don't usually eat what is pushed. I can't believe we are on day 40-I'm liking my streak.
    Yesterday, I wanted a tiny taste of an apple pie Erik had gotten at the hospital, not even a half inch of the tip. He at first refused my request and told me to "get one". I knew I had no dinner planned and didn't know what we would have and refused to indulge. Finally he allowed me to take a teeny-tiny piece, and when I'd eaten it. I thanked him, he said "that's all?" I said yes, "I just wanted to see if it is as good as the ones you used to make us. It's not"
    I had my taste, it was all I really wanted and I abstained from pressure to buy a piece. BTW no one in my family can make apple pies the way Erik used to before his accident, so this year we are having apple crisp-a slightly healthier alternative as we make it with oatmeal-not flour.
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    1735 days ago
    You are doing amazing! emoticon
    1735 days ago
    Great job on the 2# loss -- a reflection of the week you've had!

    I had an incident recently where someone was trying to get me to eat an extra breakfast with her and when I offered to sit with her and drink water or tea, she angrily rejected my suggestion. She wanted company for a binge! She thinks I am ridiculous for wanting to spend time with her even though I wouldn't be eating, and I think it's sad she feels that way.

    But, no matter what, my new (very strong) feeling about myself is: NO ONE gets to hurt me with food (not even me).
    1735 days ago
    Weight to go!! You're doing great with the weight loss.

    And I'm glad food pushers aren't too much of a problem for you -- you've got this!! Your DH is setting a terrific example in this area too: nice to have that support so close.
    1735 days ago
    emoticon emoticon on your weight loss!! You're doing emoticon
    Let's emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1735 days ago
    What part of no don't you understand?
    1735 days ago
    Firstly congratulations on your 2 lb weight loss this week. 2 lbs a week IS slowly. Ok, not as slow as .5 lbs per week, but not as fast at 5 lbs per week...I deem it slow!

    As for food pushers, they don't walk your journey with you. They aren't there as you try to plan your food, cook your food, weigh and measure your food and ultimately get on the scale.

    When I think someone might feel bad b/c they've gone to a lot of trouble to make something for me, I just day "Oh that looks sooo good, but I can't b/c my stomach has been off lately". And that's my story. As time goes along, they realize I can't/don't eat what I used to, and stop asking.

    So my friend...happy dance today! Happy dance and onward we go....together...

    1735 days ago
    At some point you just have to tell the food pushers to go to he!!

    Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

    emoticon Until Tomorrow!

    1735 days ago
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